|We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.|
Since many people at work have USB sticks I get a lot of movies from various locations. Usually I don't mind copying things over since the people don't mind me getting the movies as well
So when a guy knocked on the door to the security hut I asked him what he wanted. He handed me a stick and the following conversation took place.
“I've got to run into town. I'll be back though”
“That's nice. What do you want me to do with this?”
“They said you'd give me movies”
“Who's they?” 
He gave me a blank look as clearly this was not going the way he had planned. Eventually I took pity on him.
“What movies did you want?”
he rattled off a list of new releases and a few that weren't open anywhere in the world and I let him know that he was out of luck.
“Yeah but your computer friends would have them right?” he asked with the gleam of hope all but dying in his eyes.
“Let me check something” I said and simulated a phone conversation complete with in jokes and references to things best left unmentioned  Eventually I gave him an address to go to and ask about getting some of the movies on his list.
119 Ghuznee Street, Wellington 
He went away smiling and I did to because I haven't seen him since. 
- “Well what the hecks an aluminum falcon?”
- Except by the person that has just mentioned them
- Better known as The New Zealand Film Commission
- Note to anyone official. This story is fictional, seriously. Give me a call and we'll talk about a series
P is porn.
Don't worry, this is safe for work.
Once I had a folder for movies of questionable taste on my computer my only excuse was that I was young and foolish. But that isn't the point of this story. I went to a LAN party and everyone was having fun killing each other. One of the other guys asked if he could use my computer since I was stepping out for some air I told him sure and he sat down, looked up at me and said
"You've got a porn folder" in such a manor that I knew I had shattered his innocence
"Well yeah" I affected an air of nonchalance "who hasn't?"
From around the room everyone agreed that, they too had porn folders.
"Can I have a look?"
"Sure. Knock yourself out" I said
So he did. and he watched a full length feature film with a no plot and barely any dialogue.
Meanwhile bets were been taken among the rest of us about how long he'd last but he just sat there with his earphones on and his eyes glued to the screen.
2 Hours, Thats 190 minutes, later he finished the movie and everyone present thought "he'll make some excuse and go off for some alone time"
But he didn't. he looks up and says "what map are we in?" just like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.