|Thanks, Bridesmaid. Like the beard. Gives me something to hang on to.|
F is for "Fix my computer Damn it!"
Only a quick post today since I've been working all night. I'm glad this happened because I was struggling to think of something to do for F.
So I got to talking about computers with another guard. He wanted something to happen but not being a technical person he didn't know the name of it
"What do you call it when you get something from the Internet?"
“No not that. I mean like movies and music from the net”
“Oh that. I call it Internet piracy”
Perhaps it was only in my imagination that his laughter sounded forced but we eventually arrived on the subject of what he really wanted. He would bring his computer in and, while I was at work I would fix it 
That would be great except for one thing, I work for a security company and we monitor alarms, do noise control liaise with police, Tow things, keep in contact with clients and all the guards on their static sites and tell the mobile drivers where to go 
Some nights I have come in at 18:00 and by the time I was able to look at the clock it was 02:00.
Now this guard wasn't able to tell me what was wrong with his computer but he perked right up when I let him know that there was a sure fire cure for any problems he was having.
- Step the first was C:\format C:
- Step the second involved a Linux install disk.
“This will take care of my computer?”"I guarantee it" I replied with the kind of honesty that lets people sell dodgy used cars "after this you'll have no more problems with Windows at all"
Alas! my cunning plan was foiled by the guy talking to another guard about my cureall solution and subsuquently finding out that following my advice wasn't going to help things at all. 
1: For free by the way
2: and they get lost! GPS in the car, I'm on the phone giving detailed instructions and they still don't know where to go!
3: No surprises there