Friday, 22 April 2011

Q and R double posting extravaganza

Imagine that - every single person in the village having an affair with the same duck.
If you were to serve up one of your meals in Staff HQ, you would be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends round for a wine and anthrax party.
Everything appears to be centered today.  Perhaps I am writing prose even though P was yesterday and it wasn't the word I used at all.  But Anyhoo, Double post today.

Q is for Questions.

The entirety of humankind is devoted to questioning everything. from each other to reality itself and while they say that we seek answers I would suggest instead that it is knowledge earned rather than knowledge given that drives us forward.

Questions can range from the big
"What is man role in the universe?"
"Is there a God?
"Why are we here?"
to the small
"What happens if I eat concrete??"
"How do they listen to this stuff?"
"Exactly what was on those missing 18 minutes and 22 seconds?" [1]

The interesting thing is that while the big questions may never be properly answered it is the responses to the little questions that leave us with more and more questions which build up and collectively have the power to radically shape the course of human history.

So here is my theory because you all knew that a theory was coming up.

Assuming that humanity is one day able to get through to the actual boss on the white telephone, we will, obviously, after we've made a bit of small talk and found out how the rest of the family is doing, going to have the opportunity to ask the biggest question in the history of ever.

Now no matter how the questions may start off it would simply boil down to "Why?"
and, as anyone who has ever had to answer the questions of a 4 year old knows, all the answers in the world will eventually boil down to "Because"

1: And why do journalists have to name everything something something gate?

My first real dog was a Rhodesian Ridge back named Tip. Although we'd had a pair of Old English Sheepdogs before I was too young to know anything about them other than "this carpet is moving"
Our family had sideways inherited Tip from an aunt who was going overseas and he was a very happy dog.

The problem with this was because when he was a pup he had lost the tip of his tail to a truck and when it had healed it had given him a perfect whip that was always hitting you when you least expected it or knocking something over. From a very early age he was a eunuch having made the decision that much easier when he jumped over a fence and managed to get himself caught.

Krypto the superdog this wasn't but we loved him

Our neighbours dog was a Rottweiler named Bruno and it would be nice to say that he and Tip got on with no problems but this would be what is known as "A lie" Both dogs decided on first contact that "this town ain't big enough for the both of us"

One day I was coming home from school, I would have been about 13 so a freshly minted turd former as they called us. I discovered that Tip slipped his collar and gone a wandering to check out what was going on (1) when he saw me coming he ran to greet me but as soon as he stepped paw out of neutral territory Bruno started barking canine insults along the lines "Here comes the balless wooonnnderrr" and "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough"

Tip didn't need much time to decide that A: he was hard enough and B: it was time to prove it He veered away from me with a precision that would have seriously impressed a greyhound. I followed because I knew what was coming.

There they were, hackles up, circling and snapping with fury in their bellies and fire in their eyes and suddenly I was in the middle of it holding a furry engine of death in my arms (2) and screaming out for Dad.

As soon as we got them apart both dogs went back to being perfectly normal (3) but we took extra care from then on which didn't stop the occasional encounter but that was definitely the worst one.

1: Make certain all the trees were still growing, maybe pay a visit to Miss Kitty
2: 'Oh yeah' I thought 'this is going on my resume'
3: Both of them a credit to caninekind and nobody knows nothing about no fight copper


  1. Really cool story; Tip sounds like he could hold his own.

    I always had tiny dogs. Had a teeny chihuahua named Yoda, and every day a hawk would fly down from the forest and light in a tree nearby when I took him out, and just wait for his chance. LoL..would be nice to have a dog that you didn't have to constantly "have his back".

  2. When my aunt returned he went ballistic with joy and took great pride in sitting next to her armchair. The next thing we knew he'd leaped into her lap like he used to do when he was a puppy and it was so cute, But now that he was bigger of course.

    He's long gone now thanks to a cancerous tumour in his shoulder.

    Tui, his replacement, was a Newfoundland Ridgeback cross so still pretty big. he hated brooms but loved the vacum cleaner, throwing himself on his back when he saw someone using it.

  3. LoL..sounds adorable, both he and Tui. That would be so funny.