Monday, 11 April 2011

Day the Eightth

Let all men who go to don armor tomorrow remember to go before they don armor tomorrow.
H is for House.

As in The Boarding House where I currently reside it periodically sees new tenants. The latest recruits get drunk and have screaming matches or get stoned and have screaming matches [1]

 The two Indian boys: I can not decide whether they are gay or just very cheap because they both live in the same tiny room [2] passed by my window recently with a case of Rhinecks [3]. Still they are very quiet which means they are probably drinking the box and then crying themselves to sleep because they aren't able to get stuff that actually has an alcohol content.

The Cosmic Cowboy: Anything that you can name he'll believe in it and have a story of personal experience about it, ANYTHING. Personally I think he's got a huge screw loose and it's letting all the bats out.
If something gets done around the house he automatically disapproves of it, landlord or tennant it doesn't matter unless of course it is something that is done by him.

Now for some reason that nobody has ever been able to figure  out steals loading pallets from around the area, drags them up to his little hut at the back of the property and is in the middle of building himself a little pallet fortress presumably it is so that he can look out of it and disapprove of what everyone else in the house are doing. [4]
We don't have much to do with each other, mainly because I work nights and he works days, but just before Christmas he told me that he was going to buy two pigs off the Internet and incidently did I know how to kill a pig?
“No. I've never killed a pig in my life” [5] I told him “do you?”

“No I've got a friend who does” he replied confidently
“Then why was he asking me?” I thought “does this friend know how to properly bone and gut Mr Piggy? I know that it isn't as easy as it looks. More importantly does this friend of his actually live in the real world or is he channeled in on some kind of astral bus service?”
“What I am thinking” Jim had continued while I was thinking “is that I will do one pig for the house [6] and the other one will be for me and we will put down the hangi”
“Do you actually know how to put down a hangi?”
 “What's to know? You dig a hole and put food inside” [8]
At that point I walked away saying "you're going to be one sad little boy on christmas"

 For those of you in Internetland who do not know a Hangi is very delicious and there is only one way to prepare it properly.

How to make a proper hangi
 Step 1 - Buy beer, the more the better [9] but you don't want to attempt this without beer. You can substitute this with Wine if your feeling fancy but beer gives you better results
 Step 2 - Put the beer into the car. Note: have a quick one now just to make certain that it hasn't gone off.
 Step 3 - Drive around until you find a party happening or even a happening party
 Step 4 - Listen for the sounds of people digging, have a few more beers. If you can't hear any digging or talk about the Hangi then find another party.
 Step 5 - Once you have located the correct party open a beer.
 Step 6 - Ease your way into a conversation. be forgettably memorable
 Step 7 - Maintain the illusion. If anyone asks who you are say that you are Steves mate from work. [10]
 Step 8 - The Hangi is served! Tuck in
  1. I always thought pot was supposed to make you mellow. perhaps they should get a new dealer.
  2.  Stretch out your arms. Now take one step to the left, that's how wide their room is. apparently that it used to be a laundry room until the landlord realized that there were people prepared to pay to live there.
  3.  Which lends weight to the very cheap theory.
  4.    My own theory is that he's waiting for the day when he has enough pallets and then he's going to annex Poland
  5.  And hope that I never have to. Major case of bad Karma
  6.  "but not for the people in the house that I don't like" this was implied but not stated
  7.  I swear that this is a direct quote
  8. As long as it isn't Rhineck
  9. Because there's always a Steve, Dave, Mike or Kev at any party


  1. In all honesty, it sounds fascinating. It's somewhere that...before I had a kid and all (I guess that always changes things)....I would have loved to live, just for the screwball people and the "not knowing what I'm going to get" everyday. Pretty interesting place.

    Oh, and I found you through the A to Z Challenge. Just so you don't think I'm a sort of random weirdo.

    Though, I guess since my coming here was random, and now I am rambling...perhaps I am. *shrug* :)

  2. I love your site and as I browsed your blog I decided to award you the Creative Blog Award.
    Go to and pick up your award.