Item the First:
Its just been a little hectic around here lately. Work drags along at a snails pace and when I get home it's one look at the bed and I'm asleep until it's time to go to work again until its time to sleep again But I'm coming to the end of my block so I should be getting in some awake time when the sun is in the sky. 
Item the second:
Here's the thing. I swear, you swear. He, she, they, them, us and we swear. If we ever manage to translate an animal language I'm certain that they'll be swearing as well. Why? because swearing is verbal punctuation. it lets listeners know that something is either going incredibly right, "oh cluck yes". Or incredibly wrong "Oh cluck no"
Certainly an interesting thing about swearing is that it isn't simply the words that are used but also the tone in which they are said that convey the real meaning of the words.
"You old basket" if said with a genuine smile will not be offensive while "You old basket" with a heavy emphasis on basket leaves no doubt that someone is a complete and total basket.
Body language too plays a vital part in deciphering the swearing, if the swearing is being done by someone dancing around clutching at their hand you can be fairly certain that they've just hit themselves with a hammer  but if the swearer has his hands clenched, not blinking and taking deliberate steps towards you then the time for diplomacy has most likely passed.
For a short time in his youth my younger brother developed a habit of self censoring. clucking became -cking while Fist became S.it
It doesn't really translate well into the written word so here's a python sketch to show you broadly what he sounded like. Don't you love how everything can be explained with Python?
The strange thing is that nobody ever found out where he picked up the habit. I know it wasn't from me because I don't swear in a northern accent . It wasn't Dad either even though he was from England. Newcastle on Tyne  to be precise.
When Dad swore he'd say "muddy" for every second word so "Where is my lighter?" would become "Muddy Where muddy, is my muddy lighter" I'm pretty sure that this is a regional dialect thing as I have a truck driving friend who does the same thing with clucking. he isn't using it as the swearword per say. It's just a placeholder until he can think up the next word he means. Down here in Aotearoa we'll say "um" and "yeah, nah"
Item the third:
|Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil if we can't replace this dictionary.|
Without whom the world would be a much grayer place with everyone wearing hats and ties. Personally my only link to them is the fact that my dad once met George Harrison at a party. I live and hope that one day I'll pass Paul or Ringo  on the street and they'll stop and say "you look familiar. Didn't your dad meet George once?"
Quick Edit: Anyone who says "don't use drugs, they'll mess you up" quickly shuts up when you mention that The Beatles wrote some of their best stuff when they were off their heads on acid
For the record my personal top ten goes in this order
- Being for the benefit of Mr Kite
- Elenor Rigby
- Sgt Peppers
- I'm only sleeping
- The fool on the hill
- Hey Jude!
- Got to get you into my life.
Honorable Mention because they're also cool 
Item the third:
The Cosmic Situation:
A couple of days ago I posted the tale of Cosmic and the Washing Machine. He has now added the potatoes to the water inside the tub. I know this because he was knocking on my door earlier wanting to know how I made the gin and was it the same way as he used to do it?
I told him that I made Gin by walking down the road to the bottle store and went back to bed. He knocked again, which is an annoying habit of his but eventually realized that I wasn't going to answer and went away.
From where we live we have a bottle store in the next block and three blocks away is the library with books and resources galore on a bewildering variety of subjects but because we're not at home to Mr Sensible he's decided to simply fill the tub with water and throw the potatoes, a few chopped up but mostly whole into it. For the record he's used Rua Potatoes and if he lit a fire under the washer then he'd get more use out of them.
There has been no sign of the landlord yet  although he usually turns up on thursdays I'm usually asleep of course. Cosmic is one step ahead of the game, he's piled up some of the wooden palates to hide it from casual inspection.
Here's your clucking notes:
- It's raining right now so, you know, figuratively speaking.
- Admittedly It's from Red Dwarf rather than Blackadder but I'm not going to pass up this opportunity
- Or your watching MTV and there is no hope for you.
- I generally say "You What?" Mum hated it because it made me 'sound common' (direct quote) which only made me laugh because I am.
- I had to look that one up. Some loving son I am!
- I might start worrying if I pass by John or George
- Just, you know, not as cool
- I'm not spilling the beans on this one.