Saturday, 27 August 2011

The Half Gallon Jar - I air my knowledge on Omar Khayyam

I air my knowledge on Omar Khayyam

It's no use making the korero about the new booze laws which these parliament jokers have been talking about for weeks, because all the papers have had the fair go and the Maori has not had the chance to say his opinion on these matters. I meet a mate o mind the other day and we got talking about this and that and one thing and another. He ask me what I think 'bout the whole plurry business. I tell him that the booze business has been going on for years and years.
There are always people who don't like the waipiro and other coots who like the pot now and then.

I tell him that thousands of years ago they had the same trouble and there was always some joker bellyaching about this drinking business. My mate he say yes but he tell me we should take notice of the wise men.
I say “Well, who you say was a wise man?”
My mate he then say old Bluebeard was a wise man cause he had a whole lot of the wives but only one at the time.
I tell him I don't think this Bluebeard the wise man if he had the lot of wives cause every time he marry one had buy t the new mother in law as well. Also he would have all his wives sisters and other hangers on who would pinch the crayfish which he had hid in the fridge for tomorrows lunch and old Bluebeard had the plenty trouble also to stop all his brothers in law from ratting the cupboard for the small drop of plonk which he kept for the toothache and other things.

Then I think bout the very early days even before Bluebeard when they did not have the pub or the half-Gallon jar of beer but only the plonk which we're going to have in the ten restaurants in the New Zealand soon. On those times, I tell my mate, just to show him I know plenty, the jokers carried their plonk around in the goatskin cause they have no half-Gallon jar or the bottle.
This goatskin, I tell him hold three or four gallons and weigh plenty.
When a joker carry it a few miles across a desert to see his mates and have the party he get plurry tired and stop now and then to have the drink out of the goatskin so he have not so much weight to carry around and this plonk have the real kick alright and soon the coot get very hoopsy-coopsy.

I think it the good thing to have the waipiro in the restaurant cause when a joker have plenty to eat the booze don't knock him about so much. Hundreds of years ago that poet fellow Omar Khayyam, he think the same thing. When he take the girlfriend out for the picnic under the bough of the tree he always take the half jar of wine, but he also take along the loaf of bread so the plonk will not put them on their ear.

But enough about the booze. The Maori more worried about the way the pakehas are mucking about all the world. That Krushen salt joker taking off the boot and banging it on the table and arguing the toss about this and that. Then Eisenhower getting the pricker and not making the apology. Then they both start shooting rockets and sputniks and things up to the moon. The Maori can't understand.

What good all this business is for, cause the pakeha can't fix the pakeha can't fix all the bellyaches and troubles on the earth so why he want to plays around in the space for?
Next thing I hear is that they're going to send a man in one of these things up to the moon.
Bout the only useful korero he might bring back is to tell us who keep the pub up there now and do they sell the plonk or the beer in the restaurants.

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