Sunday, 15 May 2011

Grandiose World Changing Theory Time - The Horseback Revolution

There was an article in the paper that caught my eye yesterday. According to this the world was fast running out of oil which was why the megamegacorperations were being forced to pass the prices onto us at the gas pump. There's been quite a large uproar about this latest increase and today saw the price suddenly go down due to bad press and presumably finding a few extra barrels behind the couch.

But that isn't the point of this post. The point of it is to highlight the fact that too many newspapers interview scientists who announce [1]

“The global supply of 'X' is going to run out in 'Y/M/D' time and everyone is going to die horribly” [2]

Just as humanity is either repenting wildly or getting in a few extra sins real quick the scientists add

“of course this isn't going to happen for another 2.6 billion years” [3]
Now I don't know about you but, if humanity is still kicking around on one single planet after 2.6 billion years then it might just be time to get out of the big boy chair and allow some other species a turn [4]

Now to return back to the opening paragraph I'd like to imagine that the world really does run out of oil tomorrow. It isn't totally unexpected due to the large amounts of scientists that are sitting around looking pretty damn smug about having predicted the whole thing ages ago [5]
Unfortunately because we've gotten into the habit of saying “Pft, Whatever” any time anyone pops up and foretells doom for everyone. This means that now that it has finally happened there is going to be riots, deaths, an escalating series of wars and at least one zombie apocalypse over the last remaining deposits until those too are empty and there is no oil left on the entire planet. The military will attempt to cache their dwindling supply but someone is going to need to destroy it for some noble purpose [6].

Global implications of a sudden and total loss of oil:

The disaperance of the oil, combined with the wars that follow will plunge the world into a massive depression. Thousands will be recruited into the massive armies only to be downsized as the wars come to an end, this will pump a massive number of out of work people into the communitys that will not have enough jobs to handle them, governmental coffers will be bled dry as they attempt to deal with the influx of people that claim the current equivilent of the unemployment benefit.

As transport is something that everybody needs the automotive industry is going to be the first to recover to any degree of its previous levels. With the new automobiles out being powered by solar the process of building or converting the existing vehicles is going to be extremely labour intensive , time consuming and very costly. Thus they will at first be available only to those rich enough to afford them until the economy is able to stand on its own again

The average person:
So where does this leave Joe Average? He's going to need some kind of transport to and from the autoplant or the unemployment office. Now most people, especially those who live in the cities will obtain bicycles. But those in the more rural areas will simply saddle their horses [7] The Horseback Revolution, as the media will call it no doubt being somewhat disapointed that they are unable to name it something-gate, will start off small with perhaps the majority of a small town going back to the horse and cart as it is more efficient and less tiring than bicycling or rollerblading or any of the other ways that people have devised to get around. Over time it will spread to the cities especially when celeberities, who have always been supporters of the latest trends, give up the solar cars that they spent all that money on and instead invest in a clydesdale built for two.

The advantages of the horse will spread throughout the world and the cars will be relegated to emergency vehicles, where getting from point A to point B as quickly as possible is going to mean the difference between life and death

Global effects of The Horseback revolution:
With the people of the world riding horses the following is bound to happen. Road deaths are going to plummet to almost nothing. Road rage will be almost totally forgotten as the world moves at a slower and more laid back pace. More and more people will disvocer that they are able to do their jobs from home, over the internet or performing their jobs there and putting the finished product onto the company cart which makes the rounds every week. There will be an increased sense of community as people see more and more of each other and are able to chat while riding their horses to whereever they are going rather than just giving a terse wave to their nieghbour as they used to when they drove the car.

Of course I can accept that this world of mine is seen through largly rose tinted glasses. Were I to take them off I might see that things might just be continuing as they have done in the past. War will continue, poverty will affect areas, Jean Claude Van Damme will still make movies [8] etc.

But since this is a visiono of a world where mankind has by and large managed to put aside their differences in order to deal with a global situation and has come out of the experience with a renewed sense of brotherhood and a shared goal of looking forward into a unified future I trust I'll be forgiven if I keep the glasses on for just a little longer.[9]

We're running out of notes” [10]
  1. in the kind of voice that would do Charlton Hestons Moses proud.
  2. Especially you.
  3. Gotcha!
  4. Lets see some hyperevolved lions. On the one hand it means buzz cuts for all the women but thumbs up for the eradication of baldness for men (There's no downside!)
  5. We'll make certain that they will be the first up against the wall come the revolution.  Lets see them predict their way out of that one.
  6. Probably to make sure that those gosh darn zombies stay gosh darn dead this time
  7. Or do as one Otago farmer has been doing for years and ride your prize highland cattle.
  8. After all this time he's going to be some kind of zombie that's been turned to the path of virtue. Then he'll lose his brother and everything will go to hell yet again.
  9. Please, feel free to poke holes in my theory even though in doing so you help to bring down my uptopian vision of they eventual fate of humanity. No really, go ahead
  10. But not for 2.6 billion years

1 comment:

  1. Before you went there, I was thinking "horses". I can think of one ....hiccup, if you will, because of something that happens to us rural folks sometimes when it comes to horses....but, I wouldn't dream of poking holes in your utopian vision. So *zipped*.

    *I wonder if the rich folks would get the scientists to make a mutant stretch horse, for when they go to events and such, used like they do limos*