A - Z Challenge: K is for Knitting and also for Kipling, Rudyard

IS FOR

KNITTING

        PART I:

          WHAT IS IT?

Knitting is one of the oldest crafts developed by humanity and, along with product placement it separates us from the animals.

It is worth pointing out that there is no record of dinosaurs knitting and they all died out.  Dare we at Jabberwockery suggest that their lack of knitting skills might have being the reason for this? [1]

It will take a while but if you stick at it long enough then you'll see the yarn or woollen thread disapeering and a functional garment appear as if by magic. [2]

        WHERE DO YOU GET IT?

The correct equipment, including gloves, safety goggles and blasting caps may be found in a variety of different places but for those who also require a knitting guru to show them the way the average person need look no further than their nearest Grandmother [3]
Please note that I didn't say average Grandmother.  This is because Grandmothers are awesome by default.

        USING IT IN REAL LIFE:

Knitted clothes are used as birthday presents for that one child you don't really like but can't be actively seen to not actually be liking. [4]

You all know the one I'm talking about [5]

        USING IT IN WRITING:

Although generally seen as something that the "oldies" do it might be that your hero makes something for the love interest in your story and further plot advancement happens when that person accepts or rejects it.

Another situation might be that the world is secretly run by a ruthless cabal of knitters.  The existence of the Illumiknitti could be revealed by the hero who must then step quickly in order to avoid the dark fate that awaits them at the hands of the quilted ninjas! [6]

                      MIGHT ONE CONQUER THE WORLD WITH IT?

 

        PART II

K

is also for

KIPLING, RUDYARD

One of the benefits of coming from a large family is that you get alot of books, at least you do in my family, handed up, down, sideways and occasionally thrown with considerable force.

The Jungle Books were one of the cornerstones of my youth.  Before I was able to read I was listening and singing along to the records [7] of the Disney movie.

After I grew a little and discovered the joy of reading for myself I was given a battered copy of Kiplings work and, after I had flipped past the poems [8]  I was able to lose myself in the jungles of India.

I'd recommend his books to anyone because they are classics and will justly be regarded as such.

It also gives a person the opportunity to read his books in public and when a nosey parker comes along to espy upon them and inquires "Oh do you like Kipling?"

You can answer with the oldest Kipling joke of them all [9]

        NOTES:

1. It's certainly no crazier than most of the theories in this place.
2. There are currently no woolen gimp suits but I am assured that this is only a matter of time.
3. If you don't have a grandmother then ask a friend if you can borrow theirs but you may have to negotiate a deposit which you should make sure to get back when you have finished.
4. Clothes for babies and mothers of the same don't count.  But if you're the type of person who doesn't like babies then you're probably not going to get much joy out of knitting either.
5. I realise that I could also have gone with Malfoy of Harry Potter fame but we all knew you weren't supposed to like Draco and the kid going "Yippee!" irks me to this day.  (Curse you Lucas!)
6. Seriously write that one.  you'll make a fortune.
7. I can remember records.  Gosh I feel old.
8. Because I was a child and we don't read poems when we can be drawing moustaches on Shere Kahn.
9. "I don't know sir for I've never Kippled"

The Kicking Kangaroo,
who wore a Pale Pink Muslin dress
with Blue spots.