Some Goings on and a conclusion.

“There is no man braver nor more erudite than one recounting what he should have said”

The above quote is one of mine although given the amount of stuff that I've read there's a good chance that I have pinched it from someone else.  But this is neither here nor there since I recount the goings on at the boarding house in which I live.

Yesterday morning, about 3:45 in the morning everyone was awakened by a loud banging on the door to one of the other rooms. It only stopped when it was answered but by this time everyone had stuck their heads out the door to see a pair of policemen who had told them that this didn't concern them.

What had happened was that a nearby tinny house [1] had been raided and since they were in the area the fuzz paid the guy in our house a visit because he had been picked up once or twice after visiting said house. [2]

But they were barking up the wrong tree that morning since, like everyone else in the house, had been asleep. Although I suppose they could have arrested him for loitering if they had really wanted to.

So fast forward through the day to this evening and I was talking to him in the kitchen while I did the dishes and to hear him tell the story, well it rivaled anything that Peter Jackson will ever produce. You'd think that he'd totally destroyed the two helpless coppers with his verbal sparing and if they ever dared to show their faces inside this house again then he would have no choice, no choice at all but to <insert Van Damme action sequence> and if they still had enough courage to actually knock on his door then <insert Bruce Lee vs Jackie Chan action sequence> until there was no doubt that this was one bad mutha who only held himself back that one time because they had the extreme luck in catching him off guard [3]

I think everyone does the whole “what I should have said” thing and one thing I've found to be true is that if you are listening to the grand speech then they are not looking for your (dis)approval of their imagined actions because at this moment all you are is a pair of ears and a mouth that makes all the right sounds in the right places and if you manage to derail the action movie what what should have happened with a healthy dose of reality then you come of looking like Mr Buzzkill as they roll their eyes and say

“I know but this is what should have happened”

But since I knew my place I made the appropriate agreeing sounds and did my best not to laugh at him outright.

In other news:

I picked up my first guitar slide today and damn its cool. It doesn't matter that I don't actually know how to play slide guitar because I'll learn! Even the fact that I don't have a guitar and the closest I have is a baritone uke all that matters is that I'm willing to learn [4]

In other, other, news:

The Cosmic Cowboy has been given his marching orders. Recently the house got a pair of new occupants and although they were together they kept separate rooms which, I'm pretty sure, was due to her being Catholic but don't quote me on that.

With the nights down here getting much colder as we head on into winter Cosmic had started mini bonfires in the backyard, despite being warned by the fire department on more than one occasion.

One night there was fight between Cosmic and the new guy because while he was out in town Cosmic had attempted to put the smooth moves on the girlfriend. Needless to say this failed utterly and the boyfriend went out to have a disagreement with Cosmic as soon as he got home and was informed of what had happened.

The end result of all this was that the cops were called and the matter was sorted out but, and this is the part that stuck in Cosmics craw, without the boyfriend been clapped in irons and taken away [5]  

Cosmic tried his hardest though, making certain that the cops knew he had marijuana somewhere in his room and why didn't they trash the place looking for it?  But he shut up when the cops said that if they searched that guys room then they would do the same to Cosmics little hut. 

The girlfriend moved out to get away from Cosmic although this was never stated beyond a lot of knowing looks and several cups of tea [6] and, in the wake of this he finally made the move to annex off the backyard by building a gate that ran between the house and the garage with some of the wooden pallets that he had been stockpiling since foreverago.

He obviously did the work at night so nobody would know and call the landlord because it was there when I came back from work and all I did was rub my hands in devilish glee and say

“Oh yeah. This isn't going to piss off anybody”

He and his gate were gone when I woke up and I got told about the landlord coming over and pulling down the gate before kicking him out. [7]

And so the house has returned to, relative quiet. Everyone is getting along and we're all groovy again. Cosmics place has been taken over by the two Indian boys who, I've just learned 5 minutes ago, also left because he wouldn't stop bothering them. I thought nothing of not seeing them for ages because we've always had totally different schedules.

Notes:

1. A house where you can go to buy marijuana in various forms. You'll know that there is one close by because of a pair of sneakers hanging from a powerline.
2. He seems to stick to oil spotting and then 4 or 5 hours of playstation. Which is the bigger drug?
3. Seriously. They both need to go out and buy lottery tickets right now
4. And willing to torture everyone else in the house with my playing but if I'd really wanted to do that then I'd have gotten an accordion. “Polka! Everybody muzt polka or zere vill be, consequences”
5. After he had called them and made it clear that he had gotten his ass handed to him by a 17 year old super featherweight!
6. It's an older code. But it checks out.
7. The only thing that would have made this better was if he had refused to leave and been dragged away by the police in full Napoleonic uniform proclaiming "Tomorrow the world!"