tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58253024773068398232024-03-12T18:11:24.539-07:00JabberwockeryMay contain: Logic, theories & Schemes (Malevolent, Benevolent and Benign). A chorus of children. War, Peace and a thousand elephants.Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.comBlogger205125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-21381164158882459272014-11-26T17:31:00.000-08:002014-11-26T19:06:58.361-08:00Lets Make Monsters!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSfR6Zoe3Q1VXQLT5eQ_J_5Bw-JR7y15oSW2JkbirsjjG8QB3DDDLCYktWnDMI9iwwHhjk4ZLzrMVNJDyXIedVAk_uCxopC7gVh79HX0jDXs4yFp3ZoaozbALjCwPsLhIPtgyBr9zyuhbn/s1600/Profile+Pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSfR6Zoe3Q1VXQLT5eQ_J_5Bw-JR7y15oSW2JkbirsjjG8QB3DDDLCYktWnDMI9iwwHhjk4ZLzrMVNJDyXIedVAk_uCxopC7gVh79HX0jDXs4yFp3ZoaozbALjCwPsLhIPtgyBr9zyuhbn/s1600/Profile+Pic.jpg" height="200" width="120" /></a> For the last six months I've been working on my animation project where we got free rein to design a beast and rider. So now that I've finished all the assignments and not only have free time to play in Zbrush but also don't have to worry about things like the polycount or time constrants what is it I decide to play around with?<br />
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If you said "More monsters" then go to the head of the class. I went back to the concepts and picked a completely different head. This time around I kept things smaller, only doing a bust where before I had to do the entire beast.<br />
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It was constructed in Zspheres before being polymeshed and this kept me away from the movement brushes which I tend to rely on far too much. I experimented with the other brushes but generally stuck to the Clay Buildup which I've found gives more of a natural feel to the model. <br />
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Next on the agenda is working on the texture for the skin and shell and getting a better blend of colours for the overall model.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Colour guide for Phyliss the Pizza delivery monster. I've no idea who this Boris fellow is or, apparently, how to spell colour.</em></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Another render. Checking how the pitting looked with the colour scheme.</em></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Concept Heads #1</em></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Concept Heads #2</em></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Concept Heads #3</em></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Concept Heads #4</em></td></tr>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-63994815405509212542014-08-08T00:49:00.000-07:002014-08-08T00:49:35.459-07:00Lecture - Intellectual property<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. THE PERILS AND PITFALLS RELEVANT TO THE ARTISTS AND/OR SMALL BUSINESS OWNER.</div>
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<i>So there was something of an impromptu lecture on intellectual property and I took some equally impromptu and, as it turns out, rather disjointed notes. So if there's anything that isn't covered in these pages I suggest you read them again because I've clearly got my notes out of joint.</i><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<li>So whats this Intellectual Property then?<br />Intellectual property laws change from country to country. If you are covered in New Zealand for A,B and C it could be that in Australia you are only covered for C meanwhile in Canada you're only covered for "eh"<br /><br />Anytime someone uses creativity, innovation or enterprise to create something new then this is when Intellectual Property is invoked. It covers everything from new techniques to revolutionary inventions<i><br /></i><br />There is something of a grey area in the field of Intellectual Property in that you might be employed for a company that claims ownership of your developments. This is why such minutiae needs to be hammered out in the contract negotiations.<br />Final product is owned by the client unless there is a contract on the side – technoloy created for animation situation stays with the animation business while the finished animation goes to the client.<br /></li>
<li>Business Assets:<br />Several intellectual property assets can be associated with a single product line or service delivery, advertising is a big part of this since everything that goes out to the public needs to be vetted to make certain that each of the elements used in the advertising campaign, sound, visuals, the product delivery system etc has been released by the appropriate parites and is able to be used. - <a href="https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20111201/17275016947/anti-piracy-group-caught-pirating-song-anti-piracy-ad-corruption-scandal-erupts-response.shtml">Techdirt Articl</a><u>e<br /></u></li>
<li>Intellectual Property Asset Tool Box<br />Copyright works. There are different contracts which surround what you can and can't use. There are different levels of coypright which are owned in the combined works.<br /><br />What then do you, the artist, own? You've got copyright at the design stage of the production and also the project development notes.<br /><br />New Zealand works under an international agreement and it is not compulsary to register your product with the Intellectual Property office. But its pretty clear that if you don't then you're a fool due to the fact that you need to keep incredibly accurate records of who, what and when things were developed so that, in the event that you are taken to court you'll be able to prove that you were the one who invented the self removing trousers and not the guys at BigPants.ltd.<br /><br />In the situation of the courtroom one possible defense is to claim that you came up with the idea of self removing pants independantly without any knowledge of what Big Pants.ltd were doing. This puts the onus back onto Big Pants.ltd to prove otherwise.<br /></li>
<li>Confidential information:<br />Refers to anything which you don't want competitors to know about.<br /></li>
<li>What can be copyrighted?<br />Trademarks: how you identify your products and sercices from the competition and registereing your product with the intellectual property department will ensure that you have nationwide, but not international, protection. Not registering means that you have to build up your brand and it can take a number of years before you are covered properly. Trademarks are issued in 10 year blocks.<br /><br />Patents: Patents cover inventions and how they work. They are issued in 20 year blocks.<br /><br />Design: Design protection works in alignment with Copyright. They last for 15 years.<br /><br />Company Name: This differs from the branding of the product. The company name is the legal name for the company. If you are a limited company it means that your personal assets can't be seized if the business goes belly up. Provided you haven't been fraudulant in your business practises which proves that there's always a downside.<br /><br />Doman Name: At risk from cybersquatters.<br /></li>
<li>Border Control:<br />Notices are filed with Customs, if someone brings in goods which infringe on copyright then Customs are authorised to sieze the goods in questions, or possibly the questionable goods. The two parties then enter into negotiations to decide whats going to happen.<br /></li>
<li>Trademark:<br />In New Zealand trademark covers logos/words/music/dress marks – essentially it's anything that relates to your company. The Warehouse, for instance has the right to their particulaar shade of red and even the shape of the buildings.<br /><br />In another example of this Cadbury Chocolate hold the trademark for their colour of people. At least they do in this country it's a protection that they don't have over in Australia.<br /></li>
<li>Career building information:<br />What intellectual Property are you creating? It's a retorical question but you do need to consider the following protection options<br />Clearence checks. Do you have releseas? Proper licences? Permissions to use the mashups of sounds and videos?<br /><u><br /><a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/music-arts/beastie-boys-settle-lawsuit-goldieblox-article-1.1725849)">http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/music-arts/beastie-boys-settle-lawsuit-goldieblox-article-1.1725849)</a></u></li>
<li>Commercialise: <i>Information missing or otherwise unavailable. I blame the drunken cannibles.<br /></i></li>
<li>Intellectual Property Capture:<br />Identify potential Intellectual property assests. What of of intellectual proerties affect you and your business?<br />Sort out the ownership or acquire the rights to the work. This need to be worked out in the contracting stage.<br /></li>
<li>Record Keeping:<br />Business history – Look at the evolution of the Coca Cola bottles and how the shape itself was trademarked after the war.<br />Project history<br />Legal documents<br />Intellectual Property calender<br />Time critical deadlines – for submitting documents and offices, business's need to stay on top of this as much as possible.<br />Updates to official records need to be kept current. If your details aren't correct then you can't take legal action against people (which is clearly the only reason anyone ever set up a business)<br />Strategic Options<br />In house – include in contracts and agreements. Digital files are password protected.<br />The Register – There is an application process which gives you the opportunities to sell or license your rights. If you aren't interested in operating overseas due to funds or a lack of ability to get products to the interenational customers. But that they won't talk to you without an application.<br />Release – The product might be online access by the public but not the best images or the software is crippled in some way (Shareware is the perfect example of this)<br /></li>
<li>General application process:<br />Application<br />Examination<br />Acceptance (chance of failure)<br />Grant (another chance of failure)<br />Renewal payments (failure, yet again)<br /></li>
<li>IP symbols and indiciators:<br />™: Trade mark<br />®: Registered trade mark in that country<br />©: Part of copyright indicators (the full version of this is the name of the owner and the year that the product was first created)<br />Country code + IP type + IP number<br /></li>
<li>Commercials:<br />Clearence checks - What applies to you and what other people are doing which applies to your business and/or product. Investigate potential business partnership with people who are doing the same kind of thing as you. This enables you to obtain an existing customer base.<br /></li>
<li>Licence terms and conditions<br />Attributions<br />Releases</li>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-23593165935537415152014-07-01T00:39:00.001-07:002014-07-01T00:40:21.615-07:00Thingadingaday #10<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Just some funny hats, I don't really know what else to tell you.</div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-22407877135667085232014-07-01T00:35:00.002-07:002014-07-01T00:35:21.169-07:00Thingadingaday #9<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<em>"Draw me"</em> said the rat <em>"draw me like one of your French girls"</em></div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-28588057178302286012014-07-01T00:28:00.002-07:002014-07-01T00:28:43.475-07:00Thingadingaday #8<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Amazing what will happen when you miss your bus and have to wait an hour for the next one.</div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-57367017663499472062014-07-01T00:23:00.005-07:002014-07-01T00:23:44.474-07:00Thingadingaday #7<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I won't do anything special for today (said I)</div>
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A few sketches of some guy. But then the modelling bug bit me and thus we get this, thing.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-m9vttwbZoAIm2u1JnDEXN5FCZgd_koKLZPSPvLKSs7sckcSIpOALDo2NEc_Dyx4La4n-qICuCmNDJcD2V6MKFnQ-xiLyWnY66Ef92pTGTrRFW3PmhfHiBSfWWx0nWj1uojgqLFYJWzSm/s1600/Day+7+-+Cyclops.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-m9vttwbZoAIm2u1JnDEXN5FCZgd_koKLZPSPvLKSs7sckcSIpOALDo2NEc_Dyx4La4n-qICuCmNDJcD2V6MKFnQ-xiLyWnY66Ef92pTGTrRFW3PmhfHiBSfWWx0nWj1uojgqLFYJWzSm/s1600/Day+7+-+Cyclops.png" height="270" width="400" /></a></div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-3883955448520103152014-07-01T00:17:00.000-07:002014-07-01T00:17:01.707-07:00Thingadingaday #6<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The smudge tool got heavily abused during this one. But on the bright side, pretty pictures!</div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-33438153798792213492014-07-01T00:00:00.001-07:002014-07-01T00:00:31.585-07:00Thingadingaday #5<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The hero from hell, <em>(5)</em></div>
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will save us all. <em>(4)</em>With haiku <em>(3)</em>and guns<em> (2)</em></div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-24169723874962382392014-06-30T23:39:00.000-07:002014-06-30T23:39:45.939-07:00Thingadingaday #4<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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At 3 in the morning this render looked sooo amazingly arty,</div>
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Now I don't have the model because everything crashed</div>
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Personally I blame Justin Beiber - but only because we all blame Beiber for everything.</div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-51973233146452660552014-06-30T23:32:00.001-07:002014-06-30T23:32:47.432-07:00Thingadingaday #3<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Some sketchy images of some sketchy folk.</div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-89797580838436584662014-06-25T00:11:00.000-07:002014-06-25T00:11:52.326-07:00Thingadingaday #2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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What a total surprise.<br />I mean it's another day and here's another monster. Maybe tomorrow I'll try to make a pretty flower but I think we all know that it'd end up as horribly carnivorous.<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNC4KRJVXXgXbOQF4XfmGq3jD_W3EnooribSu4aDwyKpPNpUaGIXzG3VP71Qsoz6CCaM6SjTN_UaZh03D3P05TPueGN8HqSf9mH5X-26IfWF-djBFNF9SezpH-PeU5uonO8Y9HTf6qugGc/s1600/Day+2+sketches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNC4KRJVXXgXbOQF4XfmGq3jD_W3EnooribSu4aDwyKpPNpUaGIXzG3VP71Qsoz6CCaM6SjTN_UaZh03D3P05TPueGN8HqSf9mH5X-26IfWF-djBFNF9SezpH-PeU5uonO8Y9HTf6qugGc/s1600/Day+2+sketches.jpg" height="230" width="400" /></a></div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-75373128583192028262014-06-24T18:30:00.002-07:002014-06-25T00:47:43.056-07:00Thingadingaday #1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Thankfully the monster turned out better than the sketched version.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpFr6S3ybCwRuwLR5At7wnB6Ad9mm14tQvtSkdIUlKqPxDgo8wf2XsoB3Jf7pVeQ-YhxkllvdxxiB-9aWpolN_Z0wqkteZHsjzGs5aWP5GqNhp04FF__d1i7XEk_EMwbP5klKpvxbur_Zg/s1600/Day+1+-+Monster+Sketches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpFr6S3ybCwRuwLR5At7wnB6Ad9mm14tQvtSkdIUlKqPxDgo8wf2XsoB3Jf7pVeQ-YhxkllvdxxiB-9aWpolN_Z0wqkteZHsjzGs5aWP5GqNhp04FF__d1i7XEk_EMwbP5klKpvxbur_Zg/s1600/Day+1+-+Monster+Sketches.jpg" height="230" width="400" /></a></div>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-62672293504543683912014-05-13T21:31:00.000-07:002014-05-13T21:34:43.060-07:00Lecture Notes - Burn the Museums!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvP3glXZwArnAlLgYINLRxBcvo3UO85WFcdv3hf1XDoHl3HpTef82ypTvAfHqvFSknr7BhIK6JvA99jumFXAJvb-7PMvljczQSutIDBMCSl_9y99LFKFEHVdHR8SDEZlc-A6Se0KODUAlo/s1600/Me+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvP3glXZwArnAlLgYINLRxBcvo3UO85WFcdv3hf1XDoHl3HpTef82ypTvAfHqvFSknr7BhIK6JvA99jumFXAJvb-7PMvljczQSutIDBMCSl_9y99LFKFEHVdHR8SDEZlc-A6Se0KODUAlo/s1600/Me+face.jpg" height="200" width="131" /></a><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Notes from the lecture about the Avant-Garde Movement. There's probably more I could say for an introduction at this point but really what more needs to be said?<br />Well perhaps the general disclaimer regarding accuracy with facts, dates and spelling. but other than that nothing more needs to be said.</span></span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Burn
the Museums! - Avant-Garde Modernism.</span></span></div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">MISC
POINTS:</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
way that we perceived the world (of art) in the first half of the
20</span></span><sup><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">th</span></span></sup><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
century was Doubt. The artworld moved away frrom rigid definitions
of exactly what made something art and increasingly asked “Is
this art?” and “Why?” This questioning of the status quo as
it pertained to pieces of art was very important as it paved the
way for artists to produce works of a greater variety than ever
before <b>[1]</b><br /><br />The other development of note was
speed. With people now able to ride to their neighbors rather than
walk the distances traveled became greater <b>[2]</b><br /><br />It is advances in technology which have advanced all
aspects of the world. <b>[3]</b> </span></span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">TIMELINE:</span></span></div>
</li>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Turn
of the century</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">In
Wellington Newtown Park was used to barrack soldiers before they
went off to fight in the war, The oldest film in the New Zealand
Film Archive is a minute or two of soldiers doing just that.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Suffragettes.
Women who were concerned with achieving equal rights with men.
Their posters were clever in that they were designed with a
specific audience in mind.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Great
Strike of 1913</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
poster designs had moved away from anything resembling an aestheic
in favor of text on paper. It was all about getting the message
out with no thought to design.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Parnell
brought laboring conditions to the fore which effectively led to
the formation of the Labour Party and, eventually, the child labor
laws <b>[4]</b></span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Battle
of Featherston Street. A bloody battle in which farmers were
brought in and used as cavalry against the strikers. <b>[5]</b></span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
ultimate conclusion to the strike was the formation of the first
workers collectives or unions. Many of the early unions were tied
into the ideals of Bolshevism and/or Communism which I believe is
due to the alignment of philosophies ie everyone is equal.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">1918</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">An
influenza epidemic ravages the Maori although it is unclear where
exactly it originated it would seem that it is another example of
a people living in isolation and being unprepared, immunologically
speaking, for the disease.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
response for this amongst the Maori people was a galvanization of
support for medical centers to assist with the sick. Many of
these medical centers survive.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The Ratana
Movement</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Founded
by Tahupotiki Wiremu Ratana of Ngati Apa and Nga Rauru.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Dr
Diedre Brown – A study of Maori Architecture.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
Nazi Reigeme</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">It
happened and was not fun for anyone. I probably should have taken
more notes at this point but I think anyone reading about this
knows about the excesses of those wacky facists.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
Great Depression:</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">After
the war the stock market crashed and led to massive levels of
unemployment. Due to their communal way of living Maori
communities were able to survive on a higher standard than the
Pakeha communities.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Employers - mainly the government I do believe - took advantage of this massive pool of
cheap labor by undertaking massive workcampaigns.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Dawn
of the machine</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Nobody
can deny that technology has led to some amazing innovations but as
with everything else this has a dark side <b>[6].</b></span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
spirit of modern times.</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Art,
design and applied arts sought an aesthetic which captured the
spirit of the time</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
machinemade aesthetic</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Erasing
signs of the hand(made?)</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
use of universal principles of geometry as the basis for design.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Designed
to be reproduced using modern technology.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Fururists</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Manifestos
for everyone!</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">They
wanted a new start to the world of art <b>[7]</b></span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
message of posters (during wartime) began to be transmitted
through the image of the poster as a whole rather than simply a
block of text.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Modernism</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Characterized by the integration of the machine into everyday life.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Cubism</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
evaluation of an object from different angles.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When
you look at something you don't just see the front view. You perceive all the sides” exactly who said this I don't know but
it's a good point. Cubism is a process where each side of the
subject being depicted is shown at once.</span></span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Dada</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The beginnings of Dada were not the beginnings of an art but of a
disgust”</span></span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Cabart
Voltaire</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Their
manifesto called for the eradication of pretty much everything
which seems counterproductive for a group of people who are
beginning an art movement.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Marcel
Duchamp – Believed that art galleries were like prison walls
and he wanted people be able to decide what art was rather than
them being dictated to (by the salon and their contemporaries)</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">The
Bauhaus</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Established
other disciplines and explored the ideas present from an
artistic point of view. For further and more detailed reading I
have my previous report on the evolution of the Bauhaus.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Wiener
Werstatte</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Plakastil</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">DeStiji
– The Style</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Constructivism
– Art should be useful, they looked at the political
potention and what art could do to change society.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Rene
Magritte, The treachery of images.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Pene
and Hone Tiapia.</span></span></div>
</li>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Woodcarvers
who were held back from going to war by Sir Aprina Ngata. He had
the pair declared Tohunga (treasures) as their skills in
woodcarving were helping to preserve and revive traditional art
forms. </span></span>
</div>
</li>
</ol>
</ol>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>| NOTES:</b></span><br />
<ol style="text-align: left;"><ol>
</ol>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;"> I'm thinking mainly about Duchamp and similar but will talk about him later on</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;"> This could be loosely said to tie into the spread of ideas. The ultimate expression of this in these modern times are the internet memes</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;">However I refuse to cite any specific examples because I'd be here all day.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;"> I am glossing over a great deal of the hows and whys in this timeline.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;"> This tactic ended exactly as could be expected.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">...a nicely ominous sentence that sadly has no conclusion because someone was talking and I missed what was being said. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"> And everything else it seems.</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-67864310222920426482014-04-21T19:36:00.000-07:002014-04-21T23:00:18.540-07:00The Analysis of: The Golden Goose or How to pick up birds<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>THE ANALYSIS OF:</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>THE GOLDEN GOOSE</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>OR</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>HOW TO PICK UP BIRDS</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br />| INTRODUCTION:</b><br /><br />As amazing as it sounds it would seem that there are some people in the world who think that stealing is wrong. These radicals seem to believe that those who take things which don't belong to them deserve everything they get.<br /><br />Thus it is that tonight’s tale is one of crime and punishment or at least it would be if it were not for the fact that nobody actually manages to commit a crime which, logically speaking, means that there can be no punishment.<br /><br />Hmm, well it could be that, rather than being a rather ham handed story about a non existent crime and an equally non existent punishment, this could actually be a carefully crafted story about the dangers of abducting people, except that nobody was ever in any kind of danger. <br /><br />Wait, lets think about this again. Maybe the story is just about what happens when people get together and go for a walk. But that doesn't exactly sound like the most exciting of adventures to me.</span><br />
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</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTOXyCC_mMWko6HBfgJeMfidNDsBiHwFT1rpEeVhiW975Ap8jUJg2nDCr6Wu7n5XXaKUeMIgOaW3o3w9DXqFgR7_Pz7Q-YfRV73oYfBesxxkmYDwFlqdIyKOrJDzWfq7Y2KQtxdBNGfDhn/s1600/two-towers-cover-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTOXyCC_mMWko6HBfgJeMfidNDsBiHwFT1rpEeVhiW975Ap8jUJg2nDCr6Wu7n5XXaKUeMIgOaW3o3w9DXqFgR7_Pz7Q-YfRV73oYfBesxxkmYDwFlqdIyKOrJDzWfq7Y2KQtxdBNGfDhn/s1600/two-towers-cover-1.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Nope, not exciting at all.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b></b><br />
<a name='more'></a><b><br /></b>
<b>| THE STORY<br /><br />PART 1 – THE LUMBERJACK BIT </b><br />
Once upon a time, when this sort of thing still happened, there happened to be a woodcutter named Thaddeus who was unique in the field of woodcutting in that he didn't make a habit of bursting into random houses on the off chance of catching any cross dressing wolves. In truth Thaddeus had a reputation around the lumber camps for being prone to daydreaming which isn't exactly a survival trait when you spend the day surrounded by a myriad of blades and the kinds of trees which will topple exactly the wrong way despite all the careful calculations <b>(1)</b>.<br />
<br />
One day his father sent him off to a distant wood with the kind of instructions that you get when you've got an advanced degree in lumberjacking <b>(2)</b>. <br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu4x20EnPFiLmK_JHXSq8tUKqssuTJ23s_BaxJD_LGhOTlhulv32PExZBV1UI4dAWp6_hQ-LVvteVDfbojYKGlvOy5GrSmCFxKvb5ieugygkskX1OsBhWhLO1KgCtVFUDJRQlIEwc0B89V/s1600/Lumberwockery.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu4x20EnPFiLmK_JHXSq8tUKqssuTJ23s_BaxJD_LGhOTlhulv32PExZBV1UI4dAWp6_hQ-LVvteVDfbojYKGlvOy5GrSmCFxKvb5ieugygkskX1OsBhWhLO1KgCtVFUDJRQlIEwc0B89V/s1600/Lumberwockery.png" height="75" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">.... or possibly.</span></i></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The sun was high in the sky by the time Thaddeus reached the woods in question but thanks to thorn bushes, slippery undergrowth and several things with glowing red eyes it wasn't surprising that by the time he'd even managed to make a dent in the smallest of the trees it was almost sunset.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Eventually he looked up at the tree and put his axe down <b>(3)</b>.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Sod it <b>(4)</b> time for dinner” but then he remembered that he hadn't had any lunch “that is to say, lunch” but then he thought some more and realized that he hadn't had breakfast “I meant to say breakfast. Wait a minute, if I recall properly, I didn't have any dinner last night which means that this is actually dinner, just not today's dinner”<br /><br />While he got the much debated meal ready a strange looking man emerged from the bushes and asked Thaddeus for a bite to eat. Without hesitation the two split the dinner down the middle and did the same when the stranger produced a bottle of wine. <b>(5)</b><br /><br />“I'll tell you something mate” the stranger began “I'll tell you something. Of all the woodcutters that have come to fell my trees you're the first one that's been kind to me which means that you deserve a reward. If you cut down that tree in the center of the woods you'll find that all the others will fall down by themselves and if you peek in the roots of that tree then you'll see that there's a gift for you”<br />“Gosh really?”<br />“I'm the wizard of the woods mate and what I say goes. I got the pointy hat from me dad and the sparkly wand from mum who's a professional godmother. So if I say that all the trees will fall down if you chop down that middle one then that's what's going to happen all right?”<br />“But” Thaddeus pointed out rather sensibly “you've just told me exactly how to clear cut a large section of your forest in hours rather than months.<br />“Have I?”<br />“Yes”<br />“Shouldn't I have done that?”<br />“Probably not”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Damn. Look I'm a bit new at this job, you see what I really wanted to be was a chartered accountant but my parents were always on my back about continuing the family business which meant that here I am out in the middle of nowhere with a pointy hat and a degree in accounting”</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBMjf5GgxO9RZ94hHhxGnF6rMjxtXArjkvLVB3huPkRjnZ50RUFgXAdCarySA0-9LaJon8NV4CfNIyknlelUkXE9VA5u2r9ecrlPtkCxsMvrFpD3xXAgsY3ahcYDqsudkWgSwgZbTzPhGt/s1600/accounterwockery.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBMjf5GgxO9RZ94hHhxGnF6rMjxtXArjkvLVB3huPkRjnZ50RUFgXAdCarySA0-9LaJon8NV4CfNIyknlelUkXE9VA5u2r9ecrlPtkCxsMvrFpD3xXAgsY3ahcYDqsudkWgSwgZbTzPhGt/s1600/accounterwockery.png" height="60" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">another possibility occurs.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
the wizard conjured up another bottle of wine and began drinking without even looking at Thaddeus which was easy because the woodcutter in question was already making his way to the center of the forest with a determined expression and a freshly sharpened axe.<br />
<br />
The tree in question proved to be all but inaccessible and the wood was of a type that was very hard but through perseverance and a complete lack of anything else to do Thaddeus was able to overcome the tree and after one final thwack! He managed to turn a rather impressive forest into an equally impressive collection of lumber.<br />
“This will please dad and no mistake” He felt around in the roots of the tree and brought forth a goose with golden feathers “but you I'm keeping for myself”<br />
<br />
<b>PART 2 - THE VILLAGE BIT</b><br />
<br />
Now it may have been too much wine or just the fact that he was new to these parts <b>(6)</b> but what happened was that Thaddeus got lost and it wasn't until the dead of night that he came upon a small village with an inn that was still open.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
“I'll take food and drink merry innkeeper” Thaddeus announced to all and sundry as he slammed the door just to make certain that anyone who had actually been sleeping wasn't actually sleeping anymore. “a plate for me and a plate for my goose”<br />
“Why is it sir” the innkeepers daughter dared to ask as they were bringing him a second helping of, certainly not goose liver, pate “are you being so very kind to your goose?”<br />
“He's no ordinary bird” confided Thaddeus “what I have here is a magic goose and he's worth a fortune. Now I shall stay the night in your most secure room since I don't want to be robbed” <b>(7)</b> <br />
<br />
With that extremely contrived setup out of the way one of the innkeepers daughters decided, in a move that surprised exactly zero people, to pinch a feather based on a rather shaky logical process. To whit:<br />
“This bird is magical ergo the feathers of said bird are likewise magical. Thus if feather is obtained I shall qualify as a person of magic, get my Hogwarts acceptance letter and be dating that Malfoy dreamboat inside a week” <b>(8)</b><br />
Of course it all went wrong in the most spectacular way since the second that her hand touched the goose it stuck there and no amount of pulling could free her. The innkeepers daughter called to her sisters urgently but they became stuck as well and Thaddeus awoke to discover three women stuck to his goose <b>(9)</b><br />
“We're so sorry. How can we get free?”<br />
“Not my problem” said Thaddeus who didn't actually know but wasn't about to admit it “it's too bad for you if you're stuck to my goose since it means that you'll just have to come with me!”<br />
When the innkeeper saw what was going on he grabbed his daughter by the arm and was amazed to find himself being dragged along as well.<br />
As Thaddeus journeyed through the village he picked up a nosy village NPC, a banker, a bank robber, three guards and an off duty policeman who had attempted to stop this conga line of disorderly conduct. Soon crowds were flocking the roads to point and laugh at what was going on because there's no problem which can't be fixed with public ridicule.</div>
<div>
<b>PART 3 - THE PRINCESS BIT</b><br />
<br />
Close to the village stood the royal palace and in that particular royal place there lived a royal daughter who was always unhappy. In keeping the traditions of sad princess's in fairytale lands there was a long standing proclamation which promised the daughters hand in marriage to whomever could make her laugh. Thus far nobody had succeeded because this entire story takes place at a time when standup comedy was in its infancy <b>(10)</b> which meant that they were all farting and falling down sideways rather than making clever commentaries on the state of the world <b>(11)</b> <br />
<br />
Now we mention the whole princess thing due to the fact that she just happened to be crossing through the square as Thaddeus, the goose, the unhappy line and the crowds trailing after them were entering. It was such an amazing sight that she stepped out of her carriage in order to get a closer look and before anyone could shout out a warning she found herself giving a permanent high five to the man stuck on the end of the line.<br />
<br />
Suddenly the crowd was silent. The rest of these people weren't actually important enough to care about but this? This was not only a princess but this was The princess and if there wasn't a way to get OUR princess unstuck then everyone was in for a world of trouble. <br />
Thankfully this never came about because just as everyone stuck to the goose was thinking variations of “Oh heck” the princess began laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the whole situation. They all headed up to the castle and left the crowd behind because nobody wanted to be remembered as someone who would laugh at a princess <b>(12)</b>.<br />
<br />
When the king looked out over the ha-ha of his castle as kings are wont to do and saw his daughter bent double in laughter he could hardly believe it. When he received Thaddeus and heard about what had happened he still could hardly believe it. But he remained serious in spite of the mirth because that's one of the things that you have to do when you're a king.<br />
<br />
“As I see it young man. Short of loosing a hand, It would seem that there is no way to get any of you free” he stroked his beard and looked thoughtful “maybe if we kill the goose”<br />
“No need sire! No need” from the back of the court came the Wizard of the Woods, wearing much finer clothing than before, he snapped his fingers in a particularly magic way, cried “Hoopla!” and suddenly everyone was free <b>(13)</b><br />
This is how the simple woodcutter set out to chop down a tree and ended up married to the princess who couldn't laugh.<br />
<br />
<b>| CONCLUSIONS: </b><br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>Thaddeus the Lumberjack:<br />“Just go out and chop some wood. Far far away” This makes it sound like his dad just wanted him out of the way for a while. Presumably he'd been trying to help and it had gotten away from him in a manner reminiscent of Frank Spencer.<br /><br />So he's walking around the place with a long line of people stuck to each other and none of them are pulling the other way? Unless this lumberjack is actually an elephant if it's a tug of war with 8 vs 1 then the 1 is going down.</li>
<li>The Goose:<br />The bird in question is always presented as a nice bird but this is a calumny of the foulest <b>(14)</b> kind. Anyone who doesn't believe geese are cunning sods has never attempted to walk past a pond while carrying bread, or even looking as though they might be carrying bread.<br /><br />We don't actually know that the goose is magical I mean it skirts the shoals of cruelty to animals but we could achieve everything mentioned in this story with half a can of gold spray paint and some slow drying glue.</li>
<li>The Wizard of the Woods:<br />Dare we ask why the Wizard of the Woods is conveniently at the royal court at the end?<br />Its clear to me that with no woods to look after he was finally able to follow his dream and had gotten a job as the royal accountant. At no point do I suggest that he was merely stuck in the crowd as a last minute dues ex mechinae because The Grimm Brothers had painted themselves into a corner re everyone being stuck together. </li>
</ul>
Thus we come to the end of the story and I have to say that I don't think much of the lesson that is generally presented to the little children to whit:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
“You see what happens when you steal things?”</div>
<br />
I hasten to point out however that the only reason I don't like it is because nothing in terms of consequences actually happen to anyone. Everyone gets to go home and this lumberjack who has abducted a large group of people ends up with the princess. The princess!<br />
Which is why I gave it some thought and happened upon the other lesson of this delightful story. To, once more, whit:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
“Hey kids. If you talk to strangers then magical things will happen. Maybe you'll get a surprise! <b>(15)</b>”</div>
<br />
Which, now that I am typing it out, isn't the best of lessons to teach kids. Better to stick with don't steal stuff one.<br />
<br />
<b>| NOTES:</b><br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li>Vindictive botany being one of the lesser of the dark arts. Hogwarts do not, to my knowledge, offer classes at this time.</li>
<li>Step 1: Find a tree. > Step 2: Chop tree down. > Step 3: Repeat Step 1.</li>
<li>Those with sensitive eyes might wish to look away at this point.</li>
<li>It's alright, you can start reading again.</li>
<li>A loaf of bread, a flask of wine. All this story needs is some Barry White and no child will ever be allowed to listen to it ever again.</li>
<li>Personally my money is on the fact that he just altered the landscape in a somewhat significant way</li>
<li>“...which is why I'll speak in a very loud voice and announce to everyone I've just woken up that I've got a magic goose”</li>
<li>I feel that she may be expecting slightly too much from a single feather of dubious magical ability and a single blogger of equally dubious logical processes.</li>
<li>A quaint turn of phrase which sounds much dirtier than it really is.</li>
<li>“I don't want to say the rooms were tough but the hat check girl was a gorilla!” <Business with bladder on stick> - If you get both of these references then leave a comment and I'll start looking round for somewhere that'll do the reception.</li>
<li>Bill Hicks we miss ya.</li>
<li>It really is amazing how polite people are to you when daddy has a brute squad.</li>
<li>Everyone except, I feel it should be mentioned, for the aforementioned bank robber.</li>
<li>Or possibly fowlest but I refuse to sink to such terrible puns and have only inserted into my notes because otherwise I'd get letters from people letting me know that my writers missed the opportunity to make a truly sidesplitting pun at this point.</li>
<li>“... maybe it's in my van and smells of chloroform!”</li>
</ol>
</div>
</div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-72609028261913901882014-04-16T23:20:00.000-07:002014-05-18T13:53:49.393-07:0048 Hour Film Challenge Wrapup Report<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvP3glXZwArnAlLgYINLRxBcvo3UO85WFcdv3hf1XDoHl3HpTef82ypTvAfHqvFSknr7BhIK6JvA99jumFXAJvb-7PMvljczQSutIDBMCSl_9y99LFKFEHVdHR8SDEZlc-A6Se0KODUAlo/s1600/Me+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvP3glXZwArnAlLgYINLRxBcvo3UO85WFcdv3hf1XDoHl3HpTef82ypTvAfHqvFSknr7BhIK6JvA99jumFXAJvb-7PMvljczQSutIDBMCSl_9y99LFKFEHVdHR8SDEZlc-A6Se0KODUAlo/s1600/Me+face.jpg" height="200" width="131" /></a><b>| INTRODUCTION:</b></div>
The claim has been made, largely by myself, that ours was the best team. Of course I'm sure other people are going to use this space in their reports to claim that they had the best team but it should be noted that everyone else is wrong.<br />
<br />
The fact that our abilities vary so much is what made us strong since no matter what situation arose we were able to handle it and seek advice from one of our other team members without fear of being dismissed as “the one who doesn't know anything”<br />
Strictly speaking I should have been keeping this journal the whole way through but due to the other assignments pressing down on me the journal keeping aspect more or less fell by the wayside in terms of importance. So while I do have some hurriedly scribbled notes they aren't what I would really call up to my usual standard of writing<b>[1]</b>.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b>|THE ACTUAL FILM:</b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/zBEFO8NORE4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<b>| PREFILMING:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>LEADERS:<br />Nobody in the group is taking charge of anything and we don't really have any sort of leader. It doesn't really matter at this stage because the entire class is just marking time until kickoff but I wonder if we do need someone who makes the decisions about where to go and what to do for the team. For now however, we're generating story ideas and bouncing plots off each other which are very generalized and can easily be adapted to suit whatever genre that we get. I personally am holding out for comedy or musical.</li>
<li>TEAM INTRODUCTION:<br />We had filmed this well before the day of the shoot but after it was edited together it needed improvements due to the fact that while Frey Frey was cut out of the shot, the Powerade bottle bottle he was carrying wasn't! I brought this up with the rest of the group but the general reaction to it and also to the fact that we would need to reshoot the group shot if not the entire introduction was<br />“Meh. It's only the intro so it won't count as part of the real movie” and “It doesn't really matter anyway because we're not going to win. I mean we're going up against people who do this every year”<br /><br />The thought of our film being disqualified over something which could easily have been fixed with a 10 minute filming session irritated me. Ultimately my worries were groundless however, as the group shot was redone during the shoot and edited together with the previous footage so that everyone except for the bottle of Powerade is in shot.</li>
<li>THE DRY RUN:<br />You mean we've only got to come up with a script and not actually shoot the film? It was a weight off my mind because ever since I heard that we were doing a dry run of the competition I'd been thinking that we had to do the whole thing. We had a massive brainstorming session and Ukulele Lady managed to get all the ideas down while filtering out all the jokes and funny situations that we threw at her. Once we broke for lunch I took the rough storyline and managed to come up with a more polished version which was well received and only had the one real joke.<br /><br />POLICEMAN 1: “The lab boys got back to us this morning. No prints, no DNA, no nothing”<br />POLICEMAN 2: “The notes are nothing. Just a random bunch of letters”<br />POLICEMAN 1: “and that name. Boar Cub. Boars have piglets, not cubs”<br />POLICEMAN 2: “Really?”<br />POLICEMAN 1 “Yeah we went to the zoo and had it confirmed”</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<b>| THE SHOOT:</b></div>
<br />
We got musicals! I mean, not only are we called Intermezzo Accoustica <b>[2]<u> </u></b>but our logo looks like this:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiLaXwNt1lmiySIhN4PLcqct9sfl68oDTZctsEt0vbD7wsdGgArn3pVRprCuB4mqVn1QnU3gmL6i2_JrCNr-MSDw3RVYDDAFgd0SjoQkAh80mZB1DBWo82y_2Eiy_LRQMFXRWbEg-g_OPa/s1600/Collab+-+Intermezzo+title+page+concept+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiLaXwNt1lmiySIhN4PLcqct9sfl68oDTZctsEt0vbD7wsdGgArn3pVRprCuB4mqVn1QnU3gmL6i2_JrCNr-MSDw3RVYDDAFgd0SjoQkAh80mZB1DBWo82y_2Eiy_LRQMFXRWbEg-g_OPa/s1600/Collab+-+Intermezzo+title+page+concept+2.png" height="226" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Random selection my left glutius maximus!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Just as with the dry run, once we'd gotten the genre, prop and the other details it didn't take us long to come up with a basic storyline, locations (both primary and secondary) so that everything was ready for the shooting on Saturday.<br />
<br />
At 0300 precisely I'd complied the notes and knocked together the actual script which was then posted onto Evernote. Suddenly finding myself at something of a loose end I looked about for something else to do and decided that I would storyboard this entire movie by dawn <b>[3[</b>. Thus aided by far too many energy drinks I proceeded to work furiously - in my mind.<br />
What really happened was that I made the mistake of sitting down in the comfy couch and all my hard work turned out to be nothing more than the twisted dreams of a fevered mind.<br />
<div>
<br />
The actual shooting went very smoothly and there really isn't much to be said about the day out, The script was loose enough to allow for editing and revisions but remained structured enough to allow the story to continue in a logical fashion.<br />
We all had a good time with frank discussions about what should be happening next and group contributions to the original songs that were knocked out of the orchestra pit by everyone who joined the Occupy Studio movement.</div>
<div>
<b>| THE EDITING</b><br />
<br />
Once we got back to the Weltec buildings Jordan, Ukulele Lady and myself each took a section of the movie to edit properly. It worked out well as the movie had three different locations and I found myself dealing with the first part of the movie with Jordan being the head editor and ultimate wielder of the thin red line of unimaginable power.<br />
<br />
But don't think that Frey Frey and Other Jordan were content to sit around doing nothing. They hid away in the studio and did, um, things. I am a little vague on exactly what everyone was doing during this time because of how we were spread out about the place. <br />
Jordan was working on Level 2. Ukulele Lady was in the studio lab with Other Jordan, Frey Frey was recording in the studio and I was in the Mac Labs on Level 7. Occasionally we spoke with each other to confirm we were on track but really we were one 'orrible murder away from an Agatha Christie Novel. <br />
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The worst time wasn't when I was busy but rather when I had nothing to do. It came just after I had given my rough cut to Jordan and found myself at a loose end once again. So I took the time to go over the checklist and getting started on all the little things, like filling out the wrap up forms and getting the release papers signed.<br />
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This led to more worrying as I began to worry that the tiniest thing I got wrong on these official forms would not only lead to the movie being disqualified but would also be held up as a perfect example of “how not to do it” But with the help of fresh air and a fantastic cup of coffee <b>[4]</b> I was able to relax enough to get it together and get everything sent off.<br />
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Jordan finished the final editing around 1700 on the Sunday and the whole team breathed a sigh of relief. Nobody did a naked victory lap around the computer labs but only because we just didn't have the energy to do anything other than sit there and be relieved that it was all over.<br />
Thus with a song in my heart, a spring in my step and movie in hand I submitted our entry at the very safe time of 1755, despite walking around the building twice because there was nothing outside to say “Yes Tim you are in the right place. Come inside and stop worrying already”, texted everyone to let them know that they could stop worrying because I had given the movie to the official people rather than some random tourists who had mistaken me for Peter Jackson.</div>
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<b><br />| CONCLUSIONS:</b><br />
It's over! I'm writing this at 4am on Tuesday because I'm still high on adrenaline and everything else. Other people have asked if I'll do it again and my answer is “Yes” but right now my answer would be the same if they asked if I wanted to do a bungy jump. Anything to keep the adrenaline pumping.</div>
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<li>THE GROUP:<br />We were a great group. I've already gone on about them so much that I won't repeat myself. The coolness rating of everyone in Intermezzo Accoustica goes up to 11 and I would have no hesitation in working with these guys again.</li>
<li>EVERNOTE:<br />I'll admit that Evernote is slowly beginning to grow on me as a useful tool. It's not perfect in every way and throughout this project it wouldn't let me tag my posts with anything beyond my name. It sounds like a minor annoyance and it is but since it couldn't be fixed it does make it look as though I'm trying to take credit for the entire project, which I'm certainly not <b>[5]</b>.</li>
<li>TRELLO:<br />While it was good for organizing who was going to do what and where I don't think anyone really used it beyond the first couple of weeks, if the project had been longer or if the group had been larger then it might have gotten more of a look in but between Evernote and a continuing back and forth conversation on Facebook we were pretty well covered on the organizational side of things.</li>
<li>THE CHALLENGE:<br />If I never drink V again it will be too soon! But something I did note was that their sponsorship of the challenge didn't have the challenge gorilla decked out in V branded gear <b>[6]</b> unlike most sponsored events which are generally billed as SPONSER! <span style="font-size: x-small;">event</span> SPONSER!! SPOOOOONSSSSSER!!! Kudos to whoever was in charge of that decision.</li>
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<b>| NOTES:</b></div>
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<li>I was going to include a scan of the aforementioned notes, just for the sake of completion, but have just realized that I've covered up the pages in question with printouts.</li>
<li>An intermezzo is a short movement between a major section of a symphony or drama. In a nutshell it's what the orchestra would play in order to allow the stagehands to change the scenery behind the curtain. <br />Meanwhile Accoustica is a misspelling of acoustics which relates to the audio qualities of a particular location.</li>
<li>“Why stop there?” I asked myself “I've got a cellphone with a camera on it. I could get this film finished by lunchtime” - This hasn't been added for comedic purposes, this was what I was really considering doing.</li>
<li>Officially there was nothing special about the coffee but after two days of junk food and ten million cans of V I was feeling just a touch jittery.</li>
<li>At least not until we start talking royalties. Then it was certainly all my own work.</li>
<li>Unless it was hidden behind the giant Beastie Boys style clock necklace. Good to know that the 90's will never die.</li>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-225245649092255662014-04-08T22:22:00.000-07:002014-04-08T22:27:19.211-07:00Critical Studies - Lecture Notes: Industrialization and innovation. - Part 3<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| INTRODUCTION:</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Everyone knows that the final part of a Triology is the best part - unless we're talking about Star Wars, where the best movie was clearly Empire Strikes Back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But here we are at the end of my notes for Critical Studies with standard warnings re accuracy, spelling et al.<br /></span><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PART 1: Industrialization and innovation</a><br style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" /><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes_8.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PART 2: 19th Century New Zealand</a><br style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" /><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes_7509.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PART 3: 19th Century Photography</a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THE 19TH CENTURY:<br />PART 3: 19TH CENTURY PHOTOGRAPHY</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">GENERAL:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“From today painting is dead!” (attrib: Paul Delaroche) - The observation was probably made in 1839, when Delaroche saw examples of the Daguerreotype, the first successful photographic process. (from Wikipedia)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Although it sounds rather pompous the statement is mirrored in these modern times by people who claim that the traditional methods of acting are dead each time a movie comes out which utilises CGI in a new way – I cite the news stories surrounding the Final Fantasy movie Final Fantasy: the spirits within.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Camera Lucida:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The camera lucida performs anoptical superimposition of the subject being viewed upon the surface upon which the artist is drawing. The artist sees both scene and drawing surface simultaneously, as in a photographic double exposure. This allows the artist to duplicate key points of the scene on the drawing surface, thus aiding in the accurate rendering of perspective. (from wikipedia)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Camera Obscura:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An optical device that projects an image of its surroundings on a screen and was one of the inventions that led tophotography and the camera. The device consists of a box or room with a hole in one side. Light from an external scene passes through the hole and strikes a surface inside, where it is reproduced, rotated 180 degrees (thus upside-down), but with color and perspectivepreserved. (From wikipedia)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HISTORY:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">19th century photography and the way colonisim.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Big question is why it wasn't developed sooner</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The technology aspect managed to come together. A combination of tech, social revolutions.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As soon as it became known people demanded it for their own purposes.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PEOPLE OF NOTE:<br />1. Thomas Wedgewood (1771 – 1805)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first person known to have thought of creating permanent pictures by capturing camera images on material coated with a light sensitive chemical. His practical experiments yielded only shadow images (photograms).</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. William Henry Fox Talbot (1800-1877)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Created and developed images using paper coated with silver iodide. This was patented as The Calotype </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. John Herschel 1792 – 1871 (Properly Sir John Frederick Willam Hershel, 1st Baronet.)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Worked with the Camera Lucida and experimented with colour reporuction and different mediums and applied the terms of negative and positive to photography in general.<br />4. L</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ouis-Jacques-Mande Daguerre 1787 – 1851</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Invented the the daguerreotype process of photography which worked with Bitume of Judea and required an exposure which lasted for hours or days. His image “Boulevard du Temple is an example of this. It only had a ten minute exposure time which meant that the moving traffic was littereally going too fast for the camera to capture it. The only people who stayed motionless long enough to be captured are a man and a bootblack.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5. Frederic Scott Archer (1813 – 1857)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Invented the photographc collodion process which preceeded the modern gelatin emulsion (photographic film as we know it today)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">TRAVEL:<br />W</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ith the developing technologies of the cameras they were able to be taken to more extreme and remote locations. This allowed for the first photographs of battlefields and from this we can see that the first faltering steps of photo journalism.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Roger Fenton (1819 – 1869)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A pioneering British photography and one of the first war photgraphers during the Crimean War. Due to the size and cumbersome nature of his photographic equipment Genton was limited in what he could take images of. His images were mostely posed and he avoided taking pictures of dead, injured or mutilated soldiers.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />2. Questions to be answered:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You supply the pictures. I'll supply the war” - William Randolpha Hearst attrib (really citizen kane – although the character of Citzen Kane was based on Hearst)<br />Does the camera record impartilally? - short answer yes.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Does the photographer? Short answer - sometimes</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How do cutlural beliefs shape the making of images? - short answer if you're out to photograph the 'quote unquote' noble savage then that's what you'll come back with</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How do these question concerns complicate ideas of photographic truth?</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Photographers are experiementing continously with different kinds of photographic techniques. Short answerThe ancient types of cameras are still very much in use. We now have digital cameras which means that anyone can snap a picture. The development and techniques involved in the film photography”</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">TOHUNGA (TREASURES)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">William Henry Thomas Partington</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a nutshell:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">William Partington took photographs of Wanganui Maori.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These photographs werer sold to the Auckland Museam.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over the course of time the negatives for these photographs, done on glass, were lost.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Said negatives were found in the estate of a family buried deep in that most kiwi of structures, the back shed.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The owners (of the property) decided to put the glass negatives up for auction rationialzing that, since these things were theirs to do with as they liked.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wanganui Maori objected to this saying that because the images were of their ancestors they had a claim/connection to the glass negatives.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The cultural view of these glass negatives is that they are a treasure which belongs to the people rather than whoever stumbles across them. The families at the center of all this were not trying to say.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />“We don't want you to sell them because then we won't get any money”</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The images are about their ancestors whom they felt were being sold and/or given away as nothing more than commodities. This harkens back to the spirit being trapped inside the image or carving. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />As the pieces are taken and given away we begin to lose the meaning of each of them.</span></li>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-87840917702794603072014-04-08T21:54:00.000-07:002014-04-08T22:26:39.623-07:00Critical Studies - Lecture Notes: Industrialization and innovation. - Part 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| INTRODUCTION:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just like it says in the title. This is part 2 of the Critical Studies notes, it kind of meanders all over the place and once again I refuse to make claims as to proper spelling, grammar or historical accuracy.</span><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PART 1: Industrialization and innovation</a><br style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" /><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes_8.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PART 2: 19th Century New Zealand</a><br style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" /><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes_7509.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PART 3: 19th Century Photography</a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THE 19TH CENTURY:</span></div>
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PART 2: 19TH CENTURY NEW ZEALAND</div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">GENERAL HISTORY:<br />In the early 19th century the Ngati Ira were subjected to massive raids by the other tribes in the area. This meant that when the Europeans began colonizing the Wellington area the people that were living there did not have such a deep connection with the land that they might have had if they had lived there for a long time. - Although I've almost certainly phrased this incorrectly - what it means is that the colonization of the Wellington region was relatively easier than for the rest of the country.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Petone's name has changed over time. The original name was Pito-One due to the amount of food that was produced in the region. Pito (meaning umbilical cord/Focal point or feeding point where a baby is nurtured)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Maori Flag of independence:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before the Treaty of Waitangi the Federation of United Tribes was created. They represented the northern tribes and could see that with the influx of migrants they needed to present a united front rather than a series of separate tribes.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Part of the reason that the flag was raised is that the immigrants had flags on their ships. Because the Maori were sailing the sea and trading with Australia they created the flag to identify their country of origin.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">EUROPEANISATION:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The New Zealand Company - </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Formed by Colonel Wakefield while he was in prison for fraud with the intention of buying land in New Zealand for very cheap and selling it to English settlers.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This practice was not limited to the New Zealand Company however with the Roanoke colony being prime example - where a swampy bog was sold under the heading of prime real estate.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Europeans were living in deplorable conditions and were desperate to come to New Zealand in the hope of a better life. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The images of Charles Heaphy, Samuel Brees and Colonel Wakefield romanticized New Zealand to an unreal degree so that Maori were depicted as a humble and quiet people who lived side by side with the colonists in perfect harmony. While their paintings made a connection with people in England, which admittedly was the point, they do serve to alienate New Zealanders – both us in the present and those in the past.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The adaption of European imagery into Maori design:</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rongopai Waituhi Marae, Gisbourne – The first Marae that was largely painted rather than carved. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The stylized form of art began to have an impact on the oral traditions of the Maori. Many Kaumatua were unhappy with this shift as they saw it as the end of - or at least the erosion of the traditional ways.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The death of the Maori as a race</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Charles Goldie viewed the Maori as a dying race because that was the social attitude at the time. Because of this he didn't hold the Maori in high regard but this, I feel, does not come through in his works but it does lower my opinion of him slightly.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lindauer did much the same subjects as Goldie but has finer brush strokes and there is a huge difference in the size of their respective works.</span></li>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-51003945611507034592014-04-08T21:31:00.000-07:002014-04-08T22:25:55.828-07:00Critical Studies - Lecture Notes: Industrialization and innovation. - Part 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvP3glXZwArnAlLgYINLRxBcvo3UO85WFcdv3hf1XDoHl3HpTef82ypTvAfHqvFSknr7BhIK6JvA99jumFXAJvb-7PMvljczQSutIDBMCSl_9y99LFKFEHVdHR8SDEZlc-A6Se0KODUAlo/s1600/Me+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvP3glXZwArnAlLgYINLRxBcvo3UO85WFcdv3hf1XDoHl3HpTef82ypTvAfHqvFSknr7BhIK6JvA99jumFXAJvb-7PMvljczQSutIDBMCSl_9y99LFKFEHVdHR8SDEZlc-A6Se0KODUAlo/s1600/Me+face.jpg" height="200" width="131" /></a><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| INTRODUCTION:</b></span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b>So much for this being a weekly blog :) Here's the first part of the critical studies notes that I've finally found the time to work into some semblance of order. However I make no promises regarding accuracy and/or factual information. Cite me at your own risk.<br /><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes.html">PART 1: Industrialization and innovation</a><br /><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes_8.html">PART 2: 19th Century New Zealand</a><br /><a href="http://gyrangymble.blogspot.co.nz/2014/04/critical-studies-lecture-notes_7509.html">PART 3: 19th Century Photography</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THE 19TH CENTURY:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PART 1: INDUSTRIALIZATION AND INNOVATION</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">REVOLUTIONS OF SIGNIFICANCE:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Industrial Revolution:<br />The transition to new manufacturing processes in the period from about 1760 to sometime between 1820 and 1840. This transition included going from hand production methods to machines, new chemical manufacturing and iron production processes, improved efficiency of water power, the increasing use of steam power and the development of machine tools. It also included the change from wood and other bio-fuels to coal. <i>(from wikipedia)</i><br />The 19th century was a period of great change in Europe. It was a time of revolutions. Both politically and artistically speaking.<br />Terrible working conditions for people and children until Parnell pushed for an 8 hour working day. It is from this that we get Labor day - At least we do in New Zealand.<br /><br />Key events:<br />1769: Steam engine (James Watt); became popular in 1780s<br />1780s-1830s: Beginning of Industrial Revolution in Britain<br />1806: Webster’s Dictionary published<br />1814: Steam powered printing press developed<br />1837-1901: Queen Victoria reigns<br />1831: Electric motor<br />1840: stamps used for the first time<br />1840s: Railways built, spread<br />1851: First World’s Fair in London (The Crystal Palace)<br />1850s: Charles Darwin’s Origin of the Species published<br />1870: Telephone (Bell)<br />1880: Electric light (Edison)<br />1888: Kodak box camera</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The French revolution. (1789 - 1799)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The cultural revolution<br />A rise of consumerism and mass production which ties in with the new techniques being used in the industrial revolution.<br />There was a huge divide between the classes with very little mixture between the two</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ART STYLES:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Impressionism:</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the 19th century there was a shift in the way that paintings were created. The Stone Breakers by Gustave Courbet (1849) is a prime example of this new style which, at the time was hated by the art critics who declared it be be ugly and immoral, which really was only ever going to get more people to go and see it because nothing draws a crowd like someone declaring that something is too terrible to allow the general public to see it.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who were the impressionists?</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Edouard Manet (1832 – 1883)</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gustave Caillebotte (1848 – 1894)</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Claude Monet (1840 – 1926)</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Berthe Morisot (1841-1895)</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pierre-August Renoir (1841-1919)</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Edgar Degas (1834 – 1917)</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Many of the members of this group were fascinated by medieval culture and believed that art was a spiritual matter. They disliked the industrialized nature of the 19th century and their art is often whimsical and mystical in nature.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Arts and Crafts movement</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The movement worked to move away from the mass produced items and to restore the quality of everyday objects by bringing back the traditional methods of handmade craftsmanship. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They worked to improve working conditions of artisans and craftspeople as well as encouraging artistic collaboration amongst workers.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Art Nouveau</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a style it developed from ideas generated by the Arts and Crafts movement.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alphonse Mucha</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Henri Toulouse-Lautrec</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Theophile Steinlen</span></li>
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Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-63788092174628208922014-03-17T20:25:00.000-07:002014-03-23T21:24:14.662-07:00Logotypes - Intermezzo Accoustica<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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For one of our papers we're working on the 48 hour film challenge. Signing up was easy but now we're all champing at the bit to get started.<br />
I found myself with some spare time the other day and scribbled down some ideas which eventually merged into a logo.<br />
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The only criteria for our team name was that it had to be something that we'd go to watch on a Saturday night which means that anyone out there who actually wants to form a band called Intermezzo Accoustica has already got 5 automatic fans. (woo!) <br /><br /><b>UPDATE: </b> The bottom image is the one that is now the absolutely official and no backing out team logo. I rearranged the body and neck of the uke a little bit but squashed and stretched the hole so that this is the shape which resembles an A rather than relying on the body.<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| INTRODUCTION:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These are the notes that I took during the debate we had about aesthetics and ethics. I'm pretty sure that I've managed to get everyone's contributions down but touch typing can only go so fast. Therefore if I've left anything major out then left me know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Question: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is meant by the words aesthetics
and ethics? Should aesthetics have an ethical aspect? Argue with
reference to a range of different creative works to reinforce your
argument.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| FOR:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People of note:</span></div>
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<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Graham Ovenden – His artwork was
removed from the Tait gallery after he was convicted on inappropriate
relations with a child even though the art in question was already pretty questionable.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mary Whitehouse – 1970's Keep filth
of television Campaigner <b>[1]</b></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Points made:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a nutshell. aesthetics and ethics are tied to each other. Consider ergonomics and the evolution of the simple chair.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If ethics had historically been taken into account then we wouldn't be facing the environmental problem of overflowing landfills.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Advertising - The design of something
is very impressionable on it's audience. A plain product (car, house)
that is aligned with a certain image changes the product from
something safe to something dangerous.<br /><br />There is a direct
correlation between drink driving ads and safer driving <b>[2]. </b>It
is causing people to change their behavior and has affected
society in a positive manner <b>[3]</b>.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Plagiarism – Ethics should always be
on the moral high ground. “The job of a great artist or designer is
to remember stolen information and change it and make it a great
idea” <b>[4]</b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Movies – which once influenced
society. Films are being made to abide by the ratings system, which
replaced the Hayes Code in 1969, and have become very subjective. If
the director feels that they are making something good for them then
it's good for them but may be harmful to society at large. Is the film still released? <b>[5]</b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ethics vs Morals – On one level
Banksy is just another graffiti artists who defaces buildings but on another level his work
is political in nature.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you want to challenge the ethics of
society then the aesthetics of what you create must have ethical
considerations. How boring would it be to have artwork without any
kind of message?</span></li>
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| AGAINST:</span></b></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Religion – brings meaning to life, in
this way you can see aesthetics as being God with ethics being the
meaning of life.<br />If you are making heaps of money then what's the
point of ethics? So yes, even though morals are evident
in society if we all lived by the same rules then the world wouldn't be nearly as interesting because we wouldn't ever question anything that was going
on.<br /><br />All of life is a test. The morals are a test
and people like to challenge society which makes us more individuals
<b>[6]</b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Us vs Them – You, as an individual, define whether
something is ethical based on the culture you are brought up in.
What is acceptable over there is frowned upon over here.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Capitalism – Aesthetics have been
taken to a whole other level in order to sell everything to everyone.
Advertising is everywhere whether or not you want to see it.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">War – The nuclear bomb was designed
to prevent the Americans from having to invade Japan which would have
resulted in many more deaths. Looking at it, with extreme
objectivity, it was the lesser of two evils. - “Now I am become
death, destroyer of worlds” Robert Oppenheimer</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“There is no such thing
as a moral or immoral book. Books are well written or badly written,
that is all” Oscar Wilde, The picture of Dorian Gray</span></li>
</ul>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| NOTES:</span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Where filth is
defined as anything that she didn't like. Seriously, go read her wiki page and you'll be amazed at the stuff her group complained about.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've no sources
to back this information up use with care.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which, according
to Newtons third law, means that the opposite is certainly possible.
Every action must have an equal and opposite reaction.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't get the
name of the who said this unfortunately. Google tells me its Steve
Jobs but that isn't the name I remember so for now I'm leaving it
unattributed for now.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Disney has locked "The song of the south" away in the vault and gone on record as saying it will never be rereleased.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and also leads
itself to social progress with all this it implies.</span></li>
</ol>
<br /></div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-36750113901566851092014-03-11T23:17:00.001-07:002014-03-12T00:47:10.630-07:00Art Course 2014 - Critical Studies: Classicism vs Romanticism<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">CRITICAL STUDIES - CLASSICISM VS ROMANTICISM</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ipfa2H8CrfojmpceTSuSl2lwUO_79Jj7kZGzQGM_SXsaxfe7tvx-IckWjMbuYifxeNjD6QRK3UrxHs8EdW1Cj6vShbMSuy8poUWDYvwc_NGLnwRw8tqZIJk8u1uCTMZzADlIkep5yH2M/s1600/Me+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ipfa2H8CrfojmpceTSuSl2lwUO_79Jj7kZGzQGM_SXsaxfe7tvx-IckWjMbuYifxeNjD6QRK3UrxHs8EdW1Cj6vShbMSuy8poUWDYvwc_NGLnwRw8tqZIJk8u1uCTMZzADlIkep5yH2M/s1600/Me+face.jpg" height="200" title="" width="130" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| INTRODUCTION:</b></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some notes I took from the lecture of Classicism and and Romanticism for the Critical Studies module of the course which have been organised into a semblance of coherency.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Naturally we got a question to write about at the end of it all and todays question was</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'Should art have a moral message?'</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'll spare you my 300 word answer since it basically boils down to 'Maybe'</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| DEFINITIONS:</b></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Classicist</span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One versed in the classics; a classical scholar.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An adherent of classicism.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An advocate of the study of ancient Greek and Latin.</span></li>
</ol>
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Romanticis</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">t</span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An artistic and intellectual movement originating in Europe in the late 18th century and characterized by a heightened interest in nature, emphasis on the individual's expression of emotion and imagination, departure from the attitudes and forms of classicism, and rebellion against established social rules and conventions.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Romantic quality or spirit in thought, expression, or action</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>| CLASSICISM</b></span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ancient Greece:Ancient Greece is considered to be the starting point of understanding western culture due to the fact that the earliest records we have date from this period </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[1]</b></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Philosphical idea of Humanism. If humanity is the measure of all things then this would be reflected in the artwork of the time.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The trend that we see in the evolution of Greek statues through the Archaic to the Helenisitic periods is that there is a movement towards the more idealised figure.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the decline of the Roman Empire and the rise of Christianity the focus of art changed to reflect the spritual rather than the natural world.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During the renaissanceReligious art is in big demand due to black death (1300) and the growing power and influence of the church.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The development of printing press radically changed the shape of the world <b>[2].</b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frescos – painting into wet plaster become a staple in churches.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Artists during the renaissance were paid by the church. It was difficult to break away and do something different – which is understandable since the church had the money and he who pays the piper calls the tune.</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| Aesthetics of Classicism</b></span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ideal forms</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Closed forms</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Minimized visible brushwork</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Balanced and ordered compositions</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sense of modeling</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Depth and perspective</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Correct proportions</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| Philosophies of Classicism</b></span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reason</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Order</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The ability of man to shape his own destiny,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Education</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rationality</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Logic</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Self sacrifice and self discipline</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Civic duty and virtue</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The human intellect.</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| Neoclassicism</b></span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'Twas all the rage in the late 1700's which turned out to be just in time for the French revolution.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the end of the 17th century in France and Europe there was a renewed interest in mans abilitiy to reason and be reasonable <b>[3]</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> This was the age of enlightenment.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was argued that reason and logic should be the things to guide humanity rather than a blind devotion to religion. Much of the artwork can be shown to have the signs and symbols of ancient orders somewhere </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[4].</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| ROMANTICISM</b></span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Differed from Classicism in that the pieces were designed to appeal to the emotions of the audience.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Romanticism reminds us that any hope we have of controlling nature is entirely self delusion. All the logic and happy thoughts in the world won't help when nature decides that the new river is going through your home.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Much of the architecture of the Nazi government reflects the classical buildings of Greece. The large sweeping stairs and the massive pillars link with the same building types in Rome. Elsewhere in the world this style of architecture has been taken up by institutions that require the people (collectlively) to trust them.</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| Attributes of Romanticism</b></span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Choatic</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The irrational</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Emotional</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wild, untamed</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nature</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dark</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Carnal</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| NOTES</b></span></div>
<div>
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Note to self, this may or may not be strictly accurate and will probably require investigation. For the purposes of this talk however it's close enough for jazz.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Johan Gutenburg. I've written about him before and don't intend to rewrite it all.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even though this is known as the age of enlightenment I counter with Slavery, the subjugation of women and all those other little foibles.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's usually the Freemasons which admited many artists of the day into their ranks. This, by the way is pure conjecture and based on nothing more than a scraping of knowledge. Even if the masons didn't do the art thing it's the sort of thing that they might have done. - Watch any conspiracy documentary and this point gets brought up sooner or later.</span></li>
</ol>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-39269593807114133812014-02-21T18:34:00.002-08:002014-02-21T18:39:11.395-08:00Strangers, Beatniks and assorted Wierdos.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>|
INTRODUCTION:</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">I
live in a boarding house which sees a wide and varied collection of
people and we all get along well except for the times when we don't.
Over the past few months the landlord has been actively weeding out
the worst of the drunks, stoners and anyone else who's crazy enough
to be called irritating but not so crazy as to be called artistic and
while this does mean that the house is a lot quieter <b>[1]
</b>it also means that I have
considerably less blog fodder.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Of
course this list makes it seem as though the house is a hotbed of
wacky people all involved with quasi-legal activities and I feel that
I should point out that 99% of the people in the house are completely
normal and boring while it's the 1% who spoil everything, as per
usual.<i><br /></i></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>|
ROGUES GALLERY</b></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><u><b>SCREECHY
CAT LADY:</b></u></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">At
least that was my name for her. She lived out the back with a trio
of perpetually pregnant cats and her claim to fame was that when she
was drinking she would get trapped in that thing where you forget
what it was you just said and repeat yourself only to instantly
forget what it was you just said. <br />But that alone wasn't enough
to distinguish her from the rest of the group of hard drinkers of the
house and her three cats would mean that, at some point in the
proceedings, she would spend far too long talking baby talk in what
she thought was that quiet voice that one uses for babies.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><u><b>THE
MERRY KITCHEN CAROLERS:</b></u><br />None of them were actually named
Mary or even Carol. But this group made certain that everyone who
came to the house felt welcome by offering beer, spirits, oilspotting
and anything else that was in the fridge. All of this meant that the
house had a crowd of guys who had just dropped in and never showed
any signs of leaving the house or the kitchen.<br /><br />Sometimes this
lot would run out of party supplies and sent the most sober looking
one to get more. In order to break up the monotony they would
drunkenly singing songs <b>[2]</b> and/or suddenly fighting because
someone had looked the wrong way at someone else.<br /><br />Because I
generally arrived home around midnight I usually missed out on the
really big incidents that ended up with someone getting hauled away
by the cops but of course I'd hear all about it because this lot
gossiped worse than a group of nosy grandmothers.</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">At
a wedding.</span></div>
<div align="RIGHT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Where
the bride didn't wear white.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><u><b>EIGHT
TRACK ANNIE:</b></u><br />Of course that's not her real name since
nobody actually uses an 8 track anymore. I know that I never had one
but if a lifetime of television sitcoms have taught me anything it's
that I'm supposed to remember them with the kind nostalgic fondness
that one rarely sees in todays cynical world.<br /><br />Anyway all that
aside the problem with Eight Track is that whenever she's feeling
down the house gets to sit through a country music CD <b>[3]</b>
which plays in a perpetual loop which is loud enough to disguise the
fact that she's ranting and raving to herself.<br /><br />Still it could
be worse, oh wait what am I saying? It has been worse.<br />One
particularly bad night The Kitchen Carolers were going through their
usual singing/drinking/fighting schtick which was entering its 2<sup>nd</sup>
day.<br />Suddenly Eight Track began shouting at them to be quiet which
worked just as well as you'd expect and everyone began getting louder
and louder with her ranting to nobody and them egging her on because
it was funny.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><br />Finally
the rest of us called the landlord who booted the Carolers out of the
kitchen in a manner that suggested he wasn't happy at being called
out of bed in the middle of the night and had a word with Eight Track
about her stereo.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Since
that night Eight Track has mellowed considerably and even though we
get periods where the country music is played both it and her
rantings are kept at a much quieter level.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><u><b>SMASHMOUTH:</b></u><br />Not,
as you may be thinking, the band.<br />There's really no nice way to
say it but this guy was a drunk. But he was the kind of drunk who
drank everyone elses drink and hoped that the occasional can of El
Cheapo brand beer would balance everything out. Spoiler alert, it
didn't.<br /><br />One night he returned to the Merry Carolers who were
slightly miffed because he'd been gone for a couple of hours in what
should have been a ten minute trip at most. Then they discovered
that although they had given him enough for a couple of crates of
beer he'd returned with nothing more than a six pack of the
aforementioned El Cheapo brand beer. Where had the rest of the money
gone? Nobody ever found out <b>[4]</b>.<br /><br />The group argued and
it was only a matter of time before someone threw a punch at which
point things escalated. In fact they escalated out of the kitchen,
down the hall, through the laundry and out into the driveway where it
continued until the Fuzz showed up, arrested everybody and started
knocking on doors to find out exactly what the heck had happened
<b>[5]</b>.<br /><br />For the next few days the house was very much on
edge with everyone keeping their heads down and the Kitchen Carolers
shunning Smashmouth who dealt with the situation by sitting quietly
in his room and surviving on a diet of medical grade rubbing alcohol
and not much else.<br /><br />One really bad night I returned home to
utter chaos. The first clue I had that something was wrong was that
his stereo was so loud it could be heard from a block away and there
was a thick trail of blood which led from the tiny bedsit at the
front of the house right down the hallway to his door and back down
the driveway.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">What
had happened, I found out from Eight Track, is that a few weeks
before the case of the mysterious disappearing money Johnny Walker,
who lived in the bedsit, was going to a party and had bought a bottle
of his namesake because if you're going to bring a bottle then you
should go out of your way to be classy about it.<br />Now Smashmouth
found out about the bottle and wanted a sample but was sent away
because of party etiquette and all this time later he finally decided
that it was time to confront Johnny about it. This went as well as
you'd expect and Smashmouth found himself on the wrong side of the
door without anything to show for it. After some shouting Smashmouth
decided that, in order to punctuate his displeasure, a fist really
should go through some windows and three windows later the ambulance
arrived to take him away.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><u><b>SUPERPIMP
AND HIS WOMAN:</b></u><br />In his mind Superpimp was the big cheese
with the whole pimp package. He had the cane, the big furry hat, the
cape and the willing harem of girls. <br />In reality his girlfriend
supported his broke ass by working as a callgirl for various massage
parlors that invariably kicked her out after a few weeks when they
discovered that she'd been poaching clients <b>[6]</b>. Whenever she
wasn't working at the parlors Superpimp would be advertising her
wares on the gossip chatlines because he was all class.<br /><br />Early
on in her stay at the house they came into the kitchen one day when a
couple of us were there doing kitchen stuff and nicely explained that
one of her regulars was coming over and could we all be relaxed and
groovy about the whole affair. We all shrugged as nobody really
cared enough to worry about it and, presumably, a good time was had
by all.<br />But fast forward about a month and it's the same scenario
except this time she marches into the kitchen, announces that her
regular is coming over again and demands that we all leave the house
while he's here.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">To
say that this approach rankled slightly would be to understate it
completely which is why when the regular arrived he was greeted with
a series of encouraging remarks strategically designed to put him off
his stroke.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">This
led to the pair leaving rather quickly and about Superpimp began
crashing about the place and literally bouncing off the walls after
taking some party pills <b>[7]</b> which ramped up his suspicious
nature.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">How
long had she been gone? He demanded to know. Where were they? Was
she ever coming back? The questions kept on coming even after we
pointed out that she'd only been gone for fifteen minutes.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">He
texted her, he called her and to his frustration not only did she not
return home immediately but she also turned her phone off.
Eventually she called me and told me that she was in the middle of
Wellington, had met up with some friends, were having a girls night
out and could I tell Superpimp that she wouldn't be home until
tomorrow.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">That
particular conversation went just as well as you'd expect and nobody
in the house got any sleep that night.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><u><b>DOUBLE
ENTENDRE</b></u><br />This is the story of a man with vision, with
goals, with the greatest idea that anyone had ever had in the history
of mankind.<br /><br />That idea was Porn.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><br />Of
course we all know that porn was invented in the year dot by Caveman
Og and has only been getting more and more refined <b>[8] </b></span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">I
pause here to make you promise that you won't steal this idea I had
to promise while he stared into my eyes the whole time because he
didn't tell this to everyone, just people that he knew he could
trust.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">His
groundbreaking idea was to shoot an adult feature in New Zealand but
there wasn't going to be any plot or story because the kind of people
who watch these films don't care about plot. Each scene would be
shot in a different location that would show off the countries
wonderful scenery and various tourist destinations in the background
which meant that the whole thing would act as a kind of subliminal
marketing campaign which would bring in tourists who would pump money
into our economy.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
“<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">It
would be” he enthused frequently “just like Lord of the Rings”</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">It
sounds like a joke. To this day and even as I'm typing it up it
still sounds like standup comedy joke but Double entendre took the
project so very seriously and wouldn't stop describing everything
that he had planned, how he was going the money to, the companies
that were going to want their products up on the big screen <b>[9]</b>
and his incredibly cunning plan to get porn stars to work for free by
appealing to their patriotism.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>|NOTES:</b></span></div>
<br />
<ol>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">For
example, we can now put stuff in the communal fridge and it'll still
be there the next day. Amazing!</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">I
regret to mention this but Stairway to Heaven was included in their
repertoire. It was every bit as cringe worthy as you're currently
imagining.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">This
is stuff that would make even the most rooting tooting yodeling
cowboy reach for the off switch.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">I
personally maintain that he was taken in by a really slick street
corner hustler doing the old find the lady routine.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">To
my great disappointment none of them said “Hello hello hello
what's going on here then?”, “Book 'em Danno” or even “Take
'em away boys!” Clearly my tax dollars have been wasted.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Which
sounded much kinkier than it actually was.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">At
the time of the story these were legal but at the time of writing
the law has been changed and shopkeepers are suddenly finding that
they've got a limited window of opportunity to get rid of their
remaining stock.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">For
those of you who don't know about porn all I can say is turn safe
search off and welcome to the Internet.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Oh
yeah, he really wanted his hardcore porn movie to be shown at all
major cinemas. When we pointed out that this was unlikely to happen
he insisted that the film commission would make an exception this
one time because of all the shots of the beautiful end epic scenery
of the heartlands of Aotearoa.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-46212041784636964692014-02-09T17:01:00.000-08:002014-02-09T17:01:05.875-08:00The analysis of The Little Mermaid Or How I learned to stop worrying and started loving seafood<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Analysis of:</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Little Mermaid</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How I learned to stop
worrying and started loving seafood</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| INTRODUCTION</span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Along with Goldilocks and Snow White the story of The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersons has lasted so long is because it's one that fits so very easily into any age group.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For the very young there are the pretty
mermaids and for the older children there's the love story.<br />The
cynical child gets to hear about binding contracts with the forces of
evil and for those of us who read it as adults there's the elephant
in the room regarding the Disney adaptation. </span><b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[1]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wait, what?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It all stems from the fact that, in the
original story, the mermaid was given the opportunity to become a
mermaid again but since it would have been at the cost of her princes
life. She threw the knife away, jumped into the ocean and died</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Disney version, on the other hand,
named the mermaid after a typeface, added some catchy musical
numbers, one of the greatest villians ever and then changed the
ending from a tragic suicide to an epic battle at sea which any
pirate worth his parrot would be proud of.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Leaving all that aside exactly what is
this story really about?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well on the one hand it's about love
and what people go through to hold onto it and on the other hand its
a training guide on how to obtain that perfect man and what to do
when he favors someone else.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But on the third hand which, it should
be noted, is really more of a tentacle this story is an example of
how an entity without a soul can not only get one but also get into
heaven on a technicality.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| STORY</span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />It was underneath the ocean waves that the sea king
lived in a palace of coral with his wife and five
daughters. It was a happy life since, as the king was wont to
remark, "Not only are we mermaids but we're royal mermaids. It
doesn't get much better than that"
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His wife and five daughters agreed even
though technically speaking the king wasn't a mermaid <b>[2]</b> but
when kings and father say things like this it's sometimes better to
just smile and nod.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sirenetta was the youngest and
loveliest of all the mermaids and when she sang the fish flocked from
all over the sea to listen to her. Their shells gaped wide and even
the jellyfish stopped to listen.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Oh how I'd love to go up to the
surface and see the sky and hear the humans and smell the flowers"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"You're still too young" said
her mother who promptly died and had no further part in the story at
all.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'll spare you the few rather
pointless paragraphs detailing what she did for the rest of the year
and sum it up by saying that a year passed without anything happening
that would (a) develop the plot of this story further or (b) run the
risk of me mocking it <b>[3]</b>.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then one day her father called and
slipped a carved flower into her hair which we can assume is magical
in some way.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"This flower is magical" the
king said <b>[4]</b> "when you wear it you can breath air and
see the sky. But remember it isn't our world and we can only watch
and admire <b>[5]. </b> We're children of the sea and have no souls
as men do. Keep away from them they bring bad luck!" <b>[6]</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course all these warnings were
wasted on the young mermaid and if anything only made her swim to the
surface faster because anything that's worth three different keep
away messages must be worth seeing. <b>[7]</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"It's all so lovely" she exclaimed at the sight of the endless blue sky which looked nothing
like the endless blue ocean in which she lived. The highlight of her
trip was a ship that sailed towards the rock she was sitting on "I'd
love to speak to them" but she looked down at her long flexible
tail "I can never be like them" <b>[8]</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Presently the ship dropped anchor and a
celebration took place. Fireworks lit the sky and the crew cheered for the captain of the vessel who just happened to be a rather
dashing prince but while all this was going on the ocean was becoming rougher and by the time anyone realized what was happening
an icy wind was sweeping over the waves and the ink black sky was
torn by flashes of lightning. The ship was soon swamped and broken
in half against the cruel rocks which quite dampened the whole party
atmosphere really.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sirenetta swam about the wreckage
looking for the captain and disregarding any of the other sailors who
were in the water because it was the prince who was the handsome one.
She kept his head above water and clung to him for hours trying to
fight the tiredness that was quickly overtaking her.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When the sun finally broke through the
last of the storm clouds she was able to strike out in the direction
of land where, aided by the now gentle waves, she brought the prince
to rest.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course you would think that the
Prince woke up and looks at the mermaid with true love because that's
what happens in 99% of fairy tales. True love is so hard to avoid
that I'm amazed nobodies thought of developing a repellent spray <b>[9]</b>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However this tale doesn't being to the
99% which is going to be a big problem when Occupy Farfaraway starts
up.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, long story short the mermaid
gets the prince to the beach and when he wakes up it's in the arms of
a beautiful woman who takes him up to the castle while the mermaid is
left to reflect on her good deed and the fact that she saved a
sailors life.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh wait, she totally doesn't. For the
next few days the entire ocean gets to watch her swim about with a
lump in her throat and a pain in her heart because she was a mermaid
and, leaving aside the small and relatively important fact that he
didn't know she existed, could never marry a human.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sirenetta couldn't stand it anymore and
went off to talk to the Witch of the seas.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I see you're in love princess"
the witch emerged from her cave which was guarded by a giant squid
because why not.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"How did you..."</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Give me a little credit. Why
else would you be coming to me? Anyway I've got some magic that'll
give you a nice pair of legs but you'll suffer horribly as though a
sword were cutting you apart and every time you place your feet on
the earth you'll feel terrible pain"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"It doesn't matter. Why are you
telling me all this? Why aren't you casting the spell already?"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I'm about to turn the princess of
the merpeople into a human. When your dad finds out about it I don't
want any there to be any misunderstandings that might, oh I don't
know, end up with me impaled by a ship after I take control of his
magical trident"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"We're not doing the Disney
version you know" the mermaid whined "Just make with the
abracapocus"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"In a minute, in a minute. we've
got to get the rest of this legal stuff out the way first" the
witch leafed through a few more pages "Right then party of the
first part, that's you, been advised of the physical risks agrees to
trade your voice to the party of the second part which is me in
exchange for human legs which will, as aforementioned, hurt a lot and
furthermore if the man you love marries someone else you'll not be
able to become a mermaid again but will just dissolve in the water
like the foam on a wave"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Whatever. I don't care!"
Sirenetta scribbled at the bottom of the contract and initialed each
page hurriedly before taking the little bottle "I want to be with
my love"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the little beach she pulled herself
up onto shore and drank the potion with nothing but love in her
heart. The pain was so agonizing that she blacked out and when she
awoke she saw the prince smiling down at her.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Although this might seem like the
largest of coincidences even by fairy tale standards it was actually
the witches magic bringing them together which was nice of her. The
prince placed his cloak over the mermaid and told her how he'd been
washed ashore on this exact same beach but Sirenetta couldn't reply
because of the whole voice thing and because of the aforementioned
magic and the fact that he was kind of a nice guy anyway the prince
took her up to the castle.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, just as the witch had said
every step that she took was agony but she smiled through the pain as
she was given splendid dresses, went out riding with her love and
attended balls where they danced the night away.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However the princes heart really
belonged to the lady who had rescued him from the beach and as fond
of the mermaid <b>[10]</b> he still yearned for her and the mermaid,
knowing that she was not his true love, suffered even more because
clearly more suffering is exactly what this story needs.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From the castle ramparts one day a huge
ship was sighted sailing into the harbor and the prince and Sir</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">enetta went down to meet it. When the
prince saw that the lady who had rescued him from the beach was on
board he ran to greet her while the mermaid felt a painful feeling in
her heart and felt herself turn to stone </span><b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[11]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Naturally there was a wedding but the
princess wasn't the bride and, remembering the witches prophecy viz a
ve the prince marrying someone else, she prepared to throw herself
overboard.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Wait sister!" the cry came
from the waters "it's your sisters and we've heard all about
what happened! This knife is magic which the witch gave to us in
exchange for our hair <b>[12]</b> If you kill the prince before dawn
you'll become a mermaid again and forget all your troubles!"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She tried, she really did but in the
end couldn't bring herself to kill the prince who's only mistake had
been to marry the woman he loved rather than the merprincess who
couldn't talk and had no way of taking credit for getting him to the
beach in the first place.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the rising of the sun she threw
the knife into the sea. Then she took one last look at the surface
world before diving into the ocean and becoming nothing more than
the foam on the ocean wave.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THE END.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or it would be if this didn't
happen.<br />she was drawn up into the sky by a "mysterious force
that certainly wasn't the hand of God"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Who are you" she asked
"where am I?"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"We're the fairies of the air!
We've got no souls like men do but our task is to help them"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Really?"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"There's some pretty unrealistic
guidelines and if we manage to achieve them then we get into heaven"</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Sign me up!" the ghost of
the princess said completely forgetting that in order to have a ghost
you first have to have a soul and thus she was already eligible to
enter heaven on a technicality.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| QUESTIONS</span></b></div>
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why does she wait the year like
her mother said to?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stories like these <b>[13]</b> are
filled with people getting into trouble because they've done
something they were specifially told not to do and either gotten
away with it in the tradition of Red Riding Hod or haven't in the
tradition of The Little Red Shoes.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Keep away from the humans and
assorted dire warnings: <br />If I've got this straight the king of
the mermaids is telling his daughter that their entire race are
souless monsters who can only lurk on the outskirts peering in at
humanity. I personally will not suprised to find out that dear old
dad is our good friend Cthulhu.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The sinking of the ship:<br />The
princes party was so fantasically wonderful that actual sailors
didn't realise that an actual storm was actually happening until it
was actually too late. It kind of puts Cinderella and her foot
fetishists ball to shame really.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moping about after she'd saved the
princes life:<br />I think that it would have been a much more
interesting story if she'd stayed under the ocean and ralied the
other mermaids to become more proactive in saving the lives of
drowning sailors. The king wouldn't like it and would try to stop
her so there's your conflict right there and she would have had a
hard time convincing the other mermaids which would add even more
drama to the whole thing. But then Anderson never listens to me
because I don't speak Dutch and also he's dead which puts a major
damper on our conversations.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Exactly who is the villian in this
version?<br />It's not the witch who is relegated to a very minor role
and neither is it the woman who actually marries the prince. If
anyone has to be the villian in this story then it's the mermaid
princess but only because she's such a mary sue character that she
has to be everything.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">| CONCLUSIONS<br /></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Right then. looking back at this story
it's not exactly surprising that Disney changed a few of the details and by changed I mean rewrote the majority of the work by putting in
a villian, giving the whole thing a happier ending <b>[14]</b> and
stuffing it full of catchy musical numbers with singing fish.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It isn't that this is a dark tale for
Anderson to write, indeed some of his work can be very Grimm indeed
<b>[15]</b>, it's just that usually there's a thread of hope running
through his stories and there really doesn't seem to be one in this
book. We're reminded several times that only men have souls, the
mermaid mopes about the place and quite frankly I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear that this was written after he'd suffered a bad
breakup of the kind where it seems that every other person on the
planet has someone and are going out of their way to make certain you
know about it.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Taking everything into consideration I
question whether or not there's really a lesson in this story and
really the more I think about it the more I think it's something
along the lines of<br />"If you can't be with the one you love then
clearly suicide is the only answer, or murder. Why not both if
you've got the time?"
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>| NOTES</b>
</span></div>
<br />
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To be fair it should be noted that
it's impossible to do anything without upsetting someone. I offer any forum or chatroom on the internet as evidence of this.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After five daughters the queen
didn't really qualify for maiden status either of course anyone
crass enough to point this out would do well to remember that there
are always the possibility of mereunichs.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...any more than I already have
done.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Told you so.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“We're essentially reverse Jacques Cousteau's if you think about it. Only without the accent”</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Am I the only one thinking that's
kind of racist?</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which she should have done a year
ago when she was 14 and it still could have been blamed on teenage
rebellion.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I'm just going to go home to
the palace where I live with my loving family and my complete lack
of worries about anything"</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It wouldn't be permanent but there
having your employees singing about love during the big tax audit is
not conducive to a productive working environment</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or, rather more accurately as fond
as the witches magic had made him</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Er...metaphorically speaking</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Can't you see we're suffering
in support of you?”</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and especially Hans Christian
Anderson ones</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What you mean dying and finding
out that you've got a chance at heaven isn't a happy ending?”</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ba dum tsh!</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-12634998868840217152014-01-29T19:53:00.001-08:002014-12-03T17:25:42.793-08:00Grandiouse Theories - Bloodbanks<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>THE
ADDRESSING OF THE ISSUE OF THE FAILINGS OF BLOOD BANKS, DRIVES AND
DONATIONS WITH TOPICAL AND CONSIDERED SUGGESTIONS ABOUT WHAT MIGHT BE
DONE TO REMEDY THIS SERIOUS SITUATION WITH THE INCLUSION OF
SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED NOTATIONS FOR THE SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED OF
BRAIN.</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>|
INTRODUCTION:</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">It's
that time again and around my city the call has gone out.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
“<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">We
need blood!" they cry and "Give blood today!”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">When
that doesn't work they switch to more pleading tones “Have you got
blood? Because we need it" or even </span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">"Just
give us the red stuff and you will be instrumental in saving lives”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Before
finally falling back on that old favorite, the guilt trip.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
“<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Remember
that the life you save might well be your own." <b>[1]</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><br />As
you might already have guessed from the rather brief title the blood
drive was in town the other day and made certain to advertise their
presence <b>[2]</b>. So it was with a song in my heart, a smile on
my face and a quiet appreciation of the biblical irony of the whole
thing that I went along to the local church to give my own pint of
Bordeaux.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">I
managed to ace the written test and they already had my details on
file which meant that I got preferred customer status so the waiting
time was very short but while they attempted to broach my cask I
began to think <b>[3]</b> about how we could get more people through
the doors and into those oh so comfortable chairs so that more blood
could be drawn and quotas could be met across the board.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Notion
One: Needle me not!<br />I know it sounds extreme but lets face it.
The main reason people don't like donating blood is that we have to
submit to a sharp pointy thing entering the body and since we've had
millions of years of practice in avoiding sharp pointy things
entering the body it's pretty easy to see where all this anxiety is
coming from.<br /><br />Isn't it wonderful then to find that, once
again, nature provides and in this case we turn to our friend the
leech. Leeches have several advantages over needles as they employ
a natural anesthetic and since a great deal of leeches will be
required to withdraw the correct amount of blood they can be
arranged in a pleasing pattern which will fade naturally over the
course of a few days.<br /><br />As I am not a medical person I must
confess my ignorance when it comes to getting the blood out of the
leeches but presumably it will require some sort of giant blender or
the hiring of specially trained leech wranglers.<br /><br /><u>Who wants it
most?</u>This will, I feel, particularly appeal to those who are
into body modification or have been sitting on the fence regarding
their first tattoos.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Notion
Two: “I do not drink, wine”<br />Talk to anyone in marketing and
they'll tell you that vampires are hot right now and if you can link
your product with them then you've got a guaranteed success, no
matter how tenuous the link.<br /><br />To date the blood bank people
uniformly use the traditional one pronged needle which has been
specially blunted by the ancient order or professional needle
blunters </span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[4]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">.
Under my scheme however they would adopt a freshly designed double
pronged needle then not only would the red stuff flow more freely
but the resulting marks would make it look as though the donors had
managed to survive a vampire attack </span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[5]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">
and, with the application of a little imagination they can spin such
a story as to elicit cries of alarm and admiration by others who do
nothing but stand around the water cooler and brag about how high
their golf scores have been lately.<br /><br />As an aside it's worth
mentioning that if your story has both a vampire and blood in it
then it's already got two things that Twilight was sadly lacking
</span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[6]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><br /><u>Who
wants it most?</u><br />Vampire fans and a diverse assortment of creatures
of the night. If the blood drives set up shop in certain nightclubs
then they'll ensure a steady stream of customers.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><span lang="en-NZ">Notion
Three</span></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">:
Our friends the animals.<br />As I see it the main problem is one of
quantity over quality and we puny humans can only give a pint or two
before suffering such ill effects as a slight sluggishness, a drop
in iron count or, in extreme cases, death </span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[7]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">.
<br />Thus we are forced, forced I say, to turn to the animal kingdom
and I turn your attention to your local zoological parks. Because
unless you're unlucky enough to have the urban variety then your
local zoo is the only place where you'll find our monochrome friend,
the noble pachyderms.<br /><br />Yes, the elephant. They're masters at
standing around, eating everything that isn't nailed down </span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[8]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">
and giving nothing back to society. In short they are parasites and
a major drain on our economy yet under my plan we could substitute a
large amount of human blood for elephant blood that will easily fill
the various quotas of the blood banks and, if my Spiderman comics
are to believed, means that there is a good chance of at least one
person developing elephant themed super powers.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_RsFfO3QhcHnt9yNrFXRwwBfUilJG5ykCmg_jD-6fRqQmi1vV6d1FmyV6WU1OSEl8RxBYVUDrDV6f3k2nhMEinEKHR4Tc2eAb2KPCqJLfohiq1ooQSTfPN7QAsns2SbBjHTM9T4YtbO3-/s1600/MV5BMTExNTk0MjIzNDZeQTJeQWpwZ15BbWU3MDY5ODI5Nzg@._V1_SX214_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_RsFfO3QhcHnt9yNrFXRwwBfUilJG5ykCmg_jD-6fRqQmi1vV6d1FmyV6WU1OSEl8RxBYVUDrDV6f3k2nhMEinEKHR4Tc2eAb2KPCqJLfohiq1ooQSTfPN7QAsns2SbBjHTM9T4YtbO3-/s1600/MV5BMTExNTk0MjIzNDZeQTJeQWpwZ15BbWU3MDY5ODI5Nzg@._V1_SX214_.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">"Results may vary"</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><u>Who
wants it most?</u></span><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;">Animal rights activists who are tired of having no
comeback to the whole “animals contribute nothing to society”
argument.</span></div>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><span lang="en-NZ">Notion
Four</span></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">:
Our other friends, the vegetables.</span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">It's a well known fact that
you can't get blood from a stone <b>[9]</b> but perhaps we should turn our
attention to squashier alternatives. I have no doubt that it will
require a great deal of crossbreeding and some rather questionable
tampering with genetic building blocks <b>[10]</b> but eventually we will
be rewarded with the juices of blood oranges, blood melons and
perhaps even blood bananas which will easily provide those at the
blood banks with ample supplies of a blood type that is healthy,
packed full of nourishing vitamins and the occasional bit of pulp
</span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[11]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">.</span><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;"><br />Of
course all this means that the needles will need to be replaced by
juicing machines and if some enterprising fellow were to bring an
ice crusher along then he could set up a frozen juice stand outside
and have a rather thriving business.</span><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;"><br /><br /><u>Who wants it
most?</u></span><span style="font-family: 'Tw Cen MT', sans-serif;">Vegetarians, vegans and those who, having given up on the
notion of receiving elephant powers, now live in the hope that they
will at least develop super plant powers.<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCjY_9r0HdaZMOhZ9V-Dzmgxh9GvJ8OfQRaHXl5ONjIndDSiZV_WmowEmrIYuk9w4k-dbyYp1JXX73sRgnMGgn10CZMuFPZ67UvYpsfeKdXA0miaIQTUo2uzflEgJrAPf0TBUw-0KAZeuB/s1600/200px-Poison_Ivy_0003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCjY_9r0HdaZMOhZ9V-Dzmgxh9GvJ8OfQRaHXl5ONjIndDSiZV_WmowEmrIYuk9w4k-dbyYp1JXX73sRgnMGgn10CZMuFPZ67UvYpsfeKdXA0miaIQTUo2uzflEgJrAPf0TBUw-0KAZeuB/s1600/200px-Poison_Ivy_0003.jpg" height="200" width="131" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Exactly how you use these powers is up to you but there's a better than average chance of meeting Batman.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></li>
</ul>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Notion
Five: Money. Cash. Moolah. The Folding Green. Lettuce. Cabbage.
Bread. The Clinking Silver. Doubloons. Pieces of Eight. Groats.
Shillings. Ounces and Pounds </span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[12]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Now I'm
not about to suggest that donors get paid cash in hand because this
will only push up the operating costs for the blood banks but rather
I offer the suggestion that for each pint donated that individual
gets a hundred dollars in local currency taken off their student
loan or if they don't have one of those then it gets applied to
their end of year tax bill where it is first used for payment of any
debts and the remainder is paid into a superannuation fund that may
not be touched until retirement age is reached.<br /><br />Of course a
hundred dollars in local currency doesn't sound like much I'll admit
but will also pause to point out that if you were to give blood ten
times in the next year then you'd have a thousand dollars for you to
enjoy in your twilight years </span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>[13]</b></span><span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><br /><br /><u>Who
wants it most?</u><br />Me! Also anyone else with a student loan that is
best described as ominous.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>|
EPILOGUE:</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">So
what happened with my blood?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">It's
a tragic story of sadness dear reader for while I was sitting in that
funny deckchair like a happy boy sitter they searched in vain for my
vein but, owing to the fact that said veins are buried deep it was
too difficult for them to strike claret and they were defeated by my
own arms <b>[14]</b>.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">At
least that's what they keep on telling me. Personally I think that
those nurses are just fans of watching me jump every time they unwrap
another of those damned knitting needles <b>[15]</b>.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;"><b>|
NOTES:</b></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">A
curious turn of phrase that would not be out of place in any well
organized protection racket.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Their
ads in other languages were, by and large, lost on me due to my
woeful lack of skill in the linguistics department. Except, it
should be noted, for Klingon because I'm a huge nerd and Elvish
because I'm a New Zealander and ever since the Lord of the rings
films were released we've all been forced to become fluent in
Sindarin - Thanks Uncle Peter.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">A
dangerous occupation at the best of times and certainly not
recommended for amateurs.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">A
remnant of a bygone era who survive only because of the power of
their union.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Exactly
how savage this 'attack' appeared to be would depend on how well
trained the nurse is.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">What's
that? You thought I'd let an opportunity to mock Twilight go by?
Oh how little you know me</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">To
be fair this happens but rarely.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">and
especially peanuts for reasons that mankind has yet to divine.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">But
if we could then this whole article would be more or less redundant.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Punctuated
by cries of “It's alive! Alive!” and the appearance of at least
one attack of killer tomatoes. but only because I'm a slave to
tradition.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Apparently
some people enjoy the homestyle kind. They will be the first
against the wall come the revolution.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">But
please, let me know if I'm being too subtle.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">Which
would be the first time in a long time that anyone has enjoyed
anything to do with Twilight. Boom boom!</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">A
fact, incidentally, that I'm considering putting on my resume.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Tw Cen MT, sans-serif;">I
had a very close view of them and assure you that I'm not
exaggerating in the slightest.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
</div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5825302477306839823.post-90543986252151944112014-01-27T19:12:00.000-08:002014-01-27T19:21:42.933-08:00The analysis of Godfather Death OR How I stopped worrying and learned to love the Doctor.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
THE ANALYSIS OF:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
GODFATHER DEATH</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
OR</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
HOW I STOPPED WORRYING AND LEARNED TO
LOVE THE DOCTOR.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b>| INTRODUCTION:</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
There has been a tendency of late for
movie makers to tackle the classic fairy tales in much the same way
that I do. But where I remain both faithful and respectful of the
material the movie versions are generally rewritten to be gritty
action packed adventures with the bad CGI monster dial turned all the
way up.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
Not long ago, whilst I was perusing my
various tomes in a room that was illuminated only by the brief
punctuation of jagged lighting arcing across the eternity of ebon
night and Fluffywuffykins, my pet Shoggoth, looked about for someone
to take her walkies I stumbled across more than a few examples which
suggested the Grimms themselves weren't above doing the same thing,
although understandably they didn't have the budget for poorly
rendered CGI monsters. This particular gem stands out as an
example of their darker works. It first came to my attention when the
title piqued my interest and what I discovered is that they've
discarded the wicked witches, long lost princes and happily ever
afters in favor of Death, a doctor and a father who's not afraid to
to tell both God and The Devil exactly what he really thinks of them
in the same way that we've all dreamed of marching into the bosses
office right now.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
A further note: Death "TALKS LIKE
THIS" only because I am unfortunate enough to be a fan of Terry
Pratchett's Discworld series in which the character of Death plays a
major role, has a horse named Binky and likes cats <b>[1]</b>. I urge you to
stay away from all twenty books. Trust me you'll hate them, really
<b>[2]</b>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b>| THE STORY:</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
There was once a poor man who had
twelve children. None of them were old enough to help him which is
why he had to work day and night to feed his family. Because he had
an understanding wife and an advanced degree in time management
skills he managed to schedule enough alone time in order to bring
about his thirteenth child.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But once the boy was born the man
realized that finances might be just a touch strained and ran out
into the road intending to ask the first person whom he met to be
godfather to his latest issue.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The first person that the man met out
on the road was God but where you or I might be overawed by the
presence of the almighty just casually strolling down the road on a
sunny day the newest father managed to keep his composure <b>[3]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Poor man I pity you" God
said to the man <b>[4]</b> "I'll hold your child at his baptism, care
for him and make him happy on earth"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"That sounds great" the man
said "but who are you exactly?"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I'm God" said God "the
allfather and creator of all things. I've got a business card if you
want it"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"No thanks. I'm not certain I
actually believe in your existence"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"But I'm right here" said God
who was, technically speaking, everywhere "talking to you. I've
been watching you and know that you're a hard worker. I thought that
I'd come down and personally help out"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"You want to help out? Would you
care to explain why you make some people rich and others poor? And
what about the whole garden of Eden thing. we're still trying to
figure that out"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I have a habit of moving in
mysterious ways"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Thought so" said the man as
he turned away from the lord which, traditionally, leads one to hot
water but this time only served to advance the plot.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Indeed the sun was high in the sky
before the man met anyone else on the road and since this particular
man wore a expensive red suit, carried a dangerous looking pitchfork
and sported a rather dashing goatee and moustache combination it
wasn't surprising that the mans next words were</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"A devil!"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"It's The actually, as in the
singular rather than the plural, I had a business card around here
somewhere"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Sorry, what did you want?"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Oh I was just wandering about the
world and heard about what you said to God so I thought I'd throw my
own hat into the ring"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I haven't got a ring"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"While I, good sir, have no hat.
But if you will take me as godfather to your latest progeny I'll make
certain that he's got gold in abundance and can partake in all the
joys of the world"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I don't know" the man said
"how do I know you won't just lead my boy astray and teach him
all manner of bad habits?"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"You can trust me" the devil
said "I'm the devil" <b>[5]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But the man didn't believe a word of it
and wisely stomped off down the road.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The sun had almost set by the time the
man saw anyone else.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"This is the one" he said "I
don't care who it is this man will be my child's godfather"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
When the latest traveller came within
speaking distance the man fell into step next to him and explained
about his problem</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"... so what the boy really needs
is a godfather"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The traveller, who had remained hooded
all this time, stopped and looked at the man "I'VE BEEN CALLED
MANY THINGS IN MY TIME"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"It's an easy job and I've already
turned down the devil and someone who may or may not have been God.
Who are you by the way?"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The stranger took down his hood to show
a white skull "DEATH"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"What really? I always thought
death was a pretty goth girl with a cheery personality"<b> [6]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"NO"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Well, it's getting late. The
baptism is next Sunday but we're having a bit of a party beforehand"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I LIKE PARTIES" said Death
thoughtfully "MAKE CERTAIN YOU DON'T SERVE THE SALMON MOUSSE"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So Death appeared at the party which
was devoid of both salmon and/or moose <b>[7]</b> and attended to his duties
in an admirable manner even if he did have to rush out at the very
end to attend to his, um, DUTIES.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Time passed and the boy grew up as all
the children did. When he was old enough his godfather came calling
just as he must come calling on each of us but at least this time it
was a social visit which meant that he left the scythe outside and
gave the elderly relatives enough time to hide under the bed.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I THINK THAT IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU
LEARNED A TRADE AND AS I'M YOUR GODFATHER I SUGGEST YOU GO INTO
MEDICINE SINCE YOU BEING A DOCTOR WOULD DEMONSTRATE QUITE A NICE
PIECE OF IRONY."</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"But sir, doesn't medical school
take years of training and leave any prospective doctor with
crippling student loans?"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Death bent down to show the boy a
particular plant "NOT WITH THIS HERB MY BOY. WHENEVER YOU'RE
CALLED TO A SICK PERSON I'LL APPEAR TO YOU AND YOU ALONE. IF I'M
STANDING AT YOUR PATIENTS HEAD THEN YOU CAN GIVE HIM THE HERB AND
WATCH HIM RECOVER BUT IF I'M BY THE FEET THEN HE'S MINE AND KNOW THAT
NOTHING IN THIS WORLD WILL SAVE HIM. THERE'S ONE OTHER RULE YOU MUST
REMEMBER BEWARE OF USING THIS HERB AGAINST MY WILL. OTHERWISE
SOMETHING EXCEEDINGLY BAD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Thus armed with the most miraculous
herbage in the world and also the blessings of Death himself it
wasn't surprising that the young man quickly climbed the medical
ladder to become the most famous doctor in the entire world. People
came to him from far and wide and paid well for his services it
wasn't long before he became a very wealthy and important man. <b>[8]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In the fullness of time the king of the
land became ill but by the time the doctors presence was requested it
was too late and Death stood waiting by the kings feet.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I shouldn't do it" thought
the doctor "but if can deceive Death this one time he'll let me
off because I'm his godson"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The king was quickly spun around so
that Death stood at his head and before his godfather had figured out
what was going on the herb was administered which meant that the king
quickly recovered.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Later that evening Death knocked on the
doctors door with an angry expression <b>[9]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"IS THERE ANY REASON THAT YOU
BETRAYED ME TODAY?"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Please forgive me godfather"
the terrified doctor pleaded "but if our king were to die then
it would mean that the country would be covered in wars for the
throne and all of the deaths would only mean more work for you"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"VERY WELL. THIS ONE TIME I'M
PREPARED TO OVERLOOK WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE YOU'RE MY GODSON. BUT IF
YOU DARE DO IT AGAIN IT WILL COST YOU"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It wasn't long after the kings recovery
that the princess contracted the same illness. As she was his only
child he proclaimed that whosoever rescued her from Death would gain
the imperial hand and inherit the crown <b>[10]</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
When the doctor came to the sick girls
bed he again saw Death at her feet and really should have remembered
what had happened just a few paragraphs ago but he was so infatuated
with the thought of marriage to the princess and so blinded by the
thought of sitting on the throne that he ignored his godfather who
was shaking his bony fist in anger and cured her in the same way that
he had cured her father.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Death, having been cheated out of his
prize for a second time didn't wait until the evening and instead
made himself visible just as the doctor was receiving the grateful
kisses of the royal patient.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"NOW IT'S YOUR TURN BOY" and
with long strides the pair traveled to a vast underground cavern
where thousands upon thousands of candles illuminated the darkness.
They ranged in size from immense to tiny and every instant these
candles were dying and being replaced "THESE ARE THE LIGHTS OF
MANKIND. THERE'S ONE FOR EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Show me mine godfather" the
doctor asked thinking that his own would still be very large. In
silence Death pointed to a tiny stub of a candle which was not only
about to go out but also in a very exposed and drafty part of the
cavern</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Dear godfather. Please I beg you
light a new candle for me so that I can enjoy my life, become husband
to the princess and eventually the king"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"I MAY NOT"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Then set the old candle into a
new one so I can continue on this world. I promise that I'll never
attempt to pull the wool over your eyes again"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"IT'S AGAINST ALL THE RULES. A
CANDLE MUST GO OUT BEFORE A NEW ONE IS LIT"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
But the doctor begged, pleaded and
grovelled until Death was persuaded but as he was replacing the
candle he made a deliberate mistake and caused the flame to
extinguish.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In that instant the doctor forgot all
about princess's and thrones because he'd fallen to the earth and
passed into the hands of Death.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"IT'S UNFORTUNATE" Death told
the doctors fading spirit "BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE DOCTOR WHO GETS
MORE THAN ONE LIFE AND YOU, MY GODSON, ARE NOT HIM"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b>| CONCLUSION:</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Normally in this part of the posting I
tend to drone on and on about plot points in minute detail but there
isn't much to draw on with this story.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Obviously the big thing is the fact
that the doctor completely ignored all common sense in his attempt to
save the princess but I think that, were I in the same situation, I
would want any medical professional to do the same. Also if upon
waking up I was informed that i had gained a husband in lieu of a
doctors bill then I think I'd still count the whole thing as a win.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
All of which leads us to the
inescapable moral of: </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"YOU CAN'T CHEAT DEATH...BUT IT'S
AMAZING HOW PEOPLE TRY"</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<b>| NOTES:</b></div>
<br />
<ol>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
He also has a tendency to get the
best lines. This is also true of the Death of Rats who only ever
says "SQUEAK"</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Yep, The old reverse psychology
trick works every time. FYI: Book one is "The Colour of Magic"
but the first major Death book is, appropriately enough "MORT".</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Because stuff like this happened
all the time back then. Ask your grandparents.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
or possibly 'unto the man' he
tends to do this quite a bit</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Never trust anyone who says "trust
me". You probably shouldn't trust anyone who claims to be the
devil either.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Neil Gaiman just happens to be
another author which I don't recommend.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Yes, I know it's bad but I'm
obligated to put this one in. Just groan and move on,
</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
At this point we know that we're
dealing with a work of fiction. I mean whoever heard of a wealthy
doctor?</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Which is something of an
accomplishment when you're just a skeleton.</div>
</li>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
"Aha" said everyone who
reads these stories "we've finally moved away from all this
metaphysical stuff and will be clearly be having a happily ever
after quite soon.</div>
</li>
</ol>
</div>
Gyran Gymblehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15530108423838293039noreply@blogger.com1